Destiny
by WIWJ
Summary: Sometimes we want things so badly it hurts.. P/C R/T 10 years post nemisis.. A ten year old promise must be fulfilled.
1. Chapter 1

The low beep woke him.

"_Bridge to Captain Riker_."

He looked over at his wife curled on her side before whispering, "Standby"

He slid off of the bed and wandered into their living quarters.

"Riker"

"_Sir you have an Incoming Transmission from the USS Enterprise_."

He couldn't help but grin before tiredly dropping in front of his view screen.

"Acknowledged, pass it through to my quarters."

His grin widened when he saw who was on the line. Beverly Picard tossed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Dr."

"_Captain_." She smiled coyly. "_How are you_?"

"Tired. Someone called in the middle of the night." He teased.

"_I know. I'm sorry_." Her grin slipped a little. "_This couldn't wait, or I'd second guess myself.."_

"Is everything alright Beverly." His voice dropped low as he looked back towards the bedroom.

"_Don't wake her_." The redheaded Doctor mused. "_I'm sure she needs the rest_."

"What's going on?"

"_You know how we talked about , when it was time_."

"Beverly." He sighed, his eyes slipping shut. "Did something happen?"

She swallowed awkwardly, attempting to hold her brave smile on her face.

"_Little things_." She nodded back at him. "_His thoughts are wandering.. he's.. _"

"How are Jack and Sienna taking it?" Will's mind drew up a picture of his God children.

"_They havn't really seemed to notice yet_." Her cat green eyes sunk to the table top in front of her. "_Will, I can't do this alone." _

"You don't have to." He assured her. "We'll be there."

"_It's going to kill him_." Her mouth twitched into a sad grin. "_Giving up the center chair_."

"I'm so sorry Beverly." She nodded sadly before inhaling slowly.

"_How's Deanna_?"

Will rubbed his face with his hand before smirking.

"She's ready."

"_Dr. Ree sent me his latest test results. She looks wonderful , Will_."

"I'm starting to think it's really going to happen this time." The Captain shook his head slowly.

"_There's no reason not to be optimistic_."

"Cautiously optimistic is about all we can bring ourselves to be right now." Will watched his friend huff, pushing her hair back from her face.

"_I can't believe my horrible timing Will I'm sorry. We should be talking about your beginnings not our endings."_

"Beverly the second I tell Deanna she'll start making plans to get us to the Enterprise."

"_If the travel's too much_-."

"It's not." Will silenced her, watching as she wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I'll contact you soon."

"_Will.." _She whispered. "_Thank you_."

He gave her a curt nod before signing off. He stared at the blank screen for a few more seconds.

"Computer locate Commander Vale."

"_Commander Vale is in main engineering_."

"Riker to-."

"**Bridge to Captain Riker**."

He growled a little before responding.

"Riker here."

"_Sir there is a class two priority message coming from Star Fleet Command_."

"When it rains it freaking pours." Riker muttered to himself before raising his voice towards the computer. "Patch it through."

Will blinked his eyes at the Admiral facing him on the screen.

"Admiral Janeway."

"_It's good to see you, Captain_." She whispered gravely. "_I wish it were under better circumstances_."

"Sir?"

"_We have problems with the Tere'Tel, Will_."

"Problems?"

"_Long range sensors have detected the use of biophasic energy coming from Terrel 4_."

"Biophasic." Will felt the air drain from his lungs.

"_The Titian is the only ship with in a week's travel of there_."

"Admiral.."

"_I know_. " Katherine put her hand up slowly to stop him. "_I'm aware of your family's personal health situation Captain. That's why I'm in contact with you now." _The woman took a deep breath before continuing. "_How far along is Deanna_?"

"Thirty five weeks." Will rubbed his beard before running his hand up into his hair. "Longest we've ever made it."

"_It's imperative that the Titian intercede in this matter, Will. If the Tere'Tel were to develop this as weaponry, or worse, allow it to fall into the wrong hands.. I don't have to explain to you the devastation_."

"No Sir." He swallowed again. "My wife and I were supposed to rendezvous with the Enterprise.." He lifted his head to meet the woman's eyes. "For a _**family**_ matter." He narrowed his eyes. Katherine Janeway's eyes softened long enough for Will to realize the message had gotten through.

"_You think that your crew can handle it_?"

"I do Sir. I'm sure that the Enterprise could also send a few officers in our direction when we arrive there."

"_Very well then_. _There is more information being sent to you as we speak. We will be sending another vessel as soon as we can. Until then I suggest you get your family off of the ship and headed away from Terrel 4. Janeway out_."

Will watched the screen blink off before slowly rising to his feet.

"Riker to Vale"

"_Vale here, Sir. Is everything all right Captain_?"

"No." Will muttered softly before grabbing the formatting pad from his desk. "Assemble the Sir Staff."

"_Yes Sir_."

"Twenty Minutes Christine."

"_Yes Sir_." She quipped. "_Vale out."_

Will swallowed hard before ducking back into his bedroom and dropping down next to his wife. Her eyes opened slowly, but their clarity let him know she was fully awake.

"What's wrong?"

"Where do you want me to start?" He sighed, reaching out his hand and laying his palm against the roundness of her pregnant body.

"I'm getting dressed?" She asked softly, her husband nodded.

"Ten minutes in the conference room." His eyes never left her body.

"Will?" She covered his hand with hers. He shook his head swiftly, passing a wave of calm to her as he slowly and carefully pushed the images of biophasic damage to a developing fetus out of his head.

"I need to get dressed." He muttered, dragging his hand across her body as he rose. She nodded, more to herself then to him, before slipping out from under the blanket and looking for her clothes.

"The Enterprise?" She yelped in surprise as his thoughts finally reached hers. "Already?" His head bobbed down to his neck before he turned towards her slowly. "She's sure?"

He nodded at his wife's pitiful whisper before disappearing into the bathroom.

* * *

"Captain, Counselor, I don't have to tell you what biophasic energy could do to your child."

"You don't have to tell any of us Dr." Christine Vale huffed looking a Ree with an exacerbated huff. "We need to get her off of the Titian as quickly as possible. We'll arrange a shuttle pilot with experience on the Captain's Yacht and-."

"No." Will Riker shook his head slowly, his eyes locked on his wife's. The Sr. Staff watched the nonverbal communication flow between them.

"Captain?" His first officer looked horrified. "If the Counselor were to remain on the ship-."

"She's not remaining on the ship." Will said firmly. "Neither am I. I will pilot the Captain's Yacht myself, Number one." He rubbed his head. "The Enterprise will be meeting us. You'll be taking over this mission."

"Sir.."

"As soon as the Enterprise rondevu's with the shuttle, Lieutenant Commander B-4 and Commander LaForge will return the shuttle craft to the Titian and assist you in your mission on Terrel 4. Deanna and I will be remaining on the Enterprise until further notice." Vale looked between the couple. "The rest of you have your orders, I suggest you see to them. Dismissed."

Will watched the rest of his staff file out of the room until only Dr. Ree and his first officer remained.

"I think it would be best if I accompanied you on your journey to the Enterprise." The reptile hissed slowly.

Deanna smiled softly, checking in telepathically with Will for confirmation before answering.

"Dr. If the Tere'Tel are experimenting with biophasic energy you will have plenty of patients in need of your assistance when you get to Terrel 4. We're not going to hoard your skills aboard a shuttle craft while people are dying. We'll be fine."

"I'll prepare you an emergency kit.." He told her, his soft disarming voice seeming almost relieved at not having to neglect the certain crisis evolving on Terrel 4. He nodded softly, rising to leave, his long swishing tail dragging behind his lumbering body.

Will took a deep breath before turning to look at Vale. Her sharp eyes cut into him.

"Alright Christine. Permission to speak freely." He held up his hand. "Or yell freely which ever one you desire."

"May I ask Captain why you are putting your personal needs-." Will's eyes shot to Deanna in apparent conversation. "Stop talking to her and listen to me!" She shouted.

"Chris sometimes family obligations come before duty."

"So if I make some gigantic error and the Tere'Tel devolve us into micro particles you'll be satisfied that you made the right choice to baby sit your pregnant wife?"

"Don't fuck up Christine and I won't have to." He answered hotly.

"Will.. you have to tell her." Deanna whispered out loud.

"No. It's private."

"Christine, Will and I would be heading to the Enterprise regardless of the biophasic energy."

"Deanna.." He hissed, she shot back her explanation with out words and it made Vale's face turn red.

"Is this about the baby." Christina's tone changed as she slipped back into her seat and studied her friend.

"No. It's a private matter." The woman said softly. "And for the record Chris no one thinks you're going to make a gigantic error. If the Captain felt that this mission was not with in your capabilities he would have chosen duty over family." She watched her husband swallow hard. "No matter how difficult."

"Chris they're already looking at you for the Northwestern." Will took a deep breath, his eyes gazing out the smaller observation windows of the Titian. He longed for the wide windows of the Enterprise. His head tilted to the left and Vale realized that Deanna was speaking to him.

"Captian.."

"Yes." He told her spinning back around with a remorseful smile. "For Captain."

She flicked her eyes between the couple before settling on her Commanding Officer.

"Everybody has to move on at some point." He told her sadly.

* * *

"Geordi , can I join you?"

LaFordge nodded, sliding the chair beside him away from the table.

"What's up Doc?"

"I'm just going to put it out there." Beverly knit her hands in front of her on the table. "Irumadic Syndrome"

Geordi dropped his eyes from hers immediately.

"I know we've all been thinking about it. Watching.."

"Have you spoken to our First Officer." The amount of contempt in the Chief Engineer's voice was not lost on the CMO.

"Not exactly." She lifted her head. "I had already called Will and Deanna before this mess with the Terre'Tel."

"Doctor.." Geordi whispered. "It can't possibly be that time already."

"Geordi, we all made a promise.."

"It's so soon."

Beverly's lips twitched.

"We have had seventeen years." She smiled. "We've been places.. done things that.."

"It was time well spent." He agreed.

"I'm sending my reports to Star Fleet Command as soon as Will and Deanna arrive. I suggest you prepare to do the same."

"Ah.." Geordi swallowed hard. "Doc I can't-"

Beverly closed her pale peach hand over his.

"We all made him a promise." She tightened her grip. "I intend to keep it."

* * *

_Will.. _

_Did I wake you?_

_Your daughter did._

_She okay?_

_Fine._

_You're the one __**keeping**__ me up._

He grinned broadly, watching the stars stream by the main view screen of the Captain's Yacht.

_How's it going up there?_

_Quiet _

_Come here._

With a sigh he tapped the auto pilot controls and lumbered down the few small steps to the quarters. She turned slowly towards him reaching out her hand.

His eyebrow furrowed as he dropped onto the bed beside her.

"We've known for years.." He muttered absently.

"Knowing isn't the same as going through it." She soothed stroking the sides of his face and brushing the hair away from his forehead. "Imzadi _all _the emotions you're feeling are appropriate."

"Doesn't feel like it." He sighed.

"That feelings okay too." She teased, he pressed a grin on her hairline.

"I shouldn't have told Christine about the Northwestern."

"I don't think Captain Hansen will mind." She sighed.

"Especially when he realizes she's not going to take it."

"Will you don't know if she'll even be offered the-."

"She will Deanna." He rubbed his face. "I'll request it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Aren't you?"

"She's grown." Deanna whispered gently. "But she's still.."

"Impatient, Bullheaded, Confrontational.."

"To name a few." Deanna giggled.

"But she's strong. The crew respects her. They'll follow her." His voice trailed off and she pushed back against the overwhelming guilt that was streaming from him.

"Imzadi." She sighed.

"It's not right. To be talking about Commands and crews."

"The logistics have to be worked out too."

"Not first." He sighed. "They shouldn't be worked out first."

* * *

Beverly looked at her son's bowed head for a second before running her hand through his sandy brown hair.

"I'm sorry Mom." He sighed. "I didn't mean to-."

"You didn't." She stopped him instantly. "Why don't you take this down to B and let him take a look?"

"Isn't that cheating?" She huffed. "I could just use the computer."

"How 'bout Geordi?" Beverly glanced back towards the closed bedroom door, Jack Robert Picard followed his mothers gaze.

"Sure." He gathered his homework pads and scurried towards the door.

Beverly waited for it to close completely before turning towards the bedroom.

"Thelonian Massacre.' He muttered to himself, his eyes staring out the windows in disgust. "The Galileo was.. Destroyed? Or we.. We.."

"We got them out Jean Luc, remember?" She whispered hopefully. "Right before the damn thing went up like a firecracker. You beamed all 34 crewmembers onto the floor of my sick bay. All hands were saved."

He dropped his head into his hands. Beverly moved her nails slowly against his scalp.

"Yes of course. Confounded-." He muttered, stopping to look up at her. "I don't think I'm getting enough sleep, Beverly." The redheaded doctor pressed her lips together tightly, before pressing a kiss to her husbands head. "I just get so damned tired.." He huffed. "I'm getting old Beverly."

"We both are my Darling." She choked out.

* * *

The steady bing startled her out of sleep, she jumped forward before the crushing pain pressed her back into the mattress with a groan.

"Easy Deanna." Will called from somewhere else in the cabin. "I got it."

"Will?"

"It's fine. She just disconnected."

"How long?"

"She's fine. I got to her right away." He told her over the bing. "She's already back asleep."

"Is she.." The conslor moved to get up again, her arms trembling. "I-."

"Deanna lie down." His voice was stern. "She's fine." He moved towards her and eased her back on the bed.

"Elizabeth.." She whispered airly.

"Is fine. I'm far more worried about you right now." He swung the tricorder he'd been studying his daughter with and turned it on his wife. "You're off the charts. Take deep breaths."

"Will.. Lizzie.."

"She's fine Deanna, we hit some turbulence, she disconnected, she's fine."

"What's her oxygen level?" She pleaded. Will grunted at her in annoyance hauling himself to his feet and walking back to the other bed in the cabin. His nine year old daughter slept peacefully in the small bubble shield that surrounded her. He reached inside and brushing her long brown hair off of her face. Lizzie turned slowly towards her father's hand.

"Ninety six percent." Will said gently, moving back towards his wife. "She's fine." Deanna exhaled, her eyes still knitting tightly against her forehead. He swept his hand gently across her pregnant body. "How are you?"

"I'll be alright." She gritted her teeth, the pulse of pain radiating to the edges of her finger tips. Her breathing slowed into the normal calming rhythm.

He swallowed hard, second guessing himself for the hundredth time since leaving the Titian.

"Stop it." Deanna breathed. "You didn't' have a choice. You said Elizabeth is fine and I would be just as bad off on the ship."

"You're stressed. Stress makes it worse." Will muttered, slipping down beside her on the bed.

"Then calm down." She teased, locking her hand with his.

The soft chirp made him lift his head.

"Incoming message from the USS Enterprise."

"On screen." Will said softly, cupping Deanna's cheek as B-4's face appeared on the screen. Will smiled. "Lieutenant Commander."

"Captain. Dr. Picard alerted me to a possible problem. Is everything all right, Sir?"

"Tell the doctor we're all still breathing." Will smiled. "Guess we're in sensor range?"

"Yes Sir. The shuttle entered sensor rage at 0302 hours."

"Good to know Beverly's got us all nailed down." Will raised an eyebrow at his wife who smiled softly.

"Nailed down, Sir?" The androids head cocked to the left. Despite all of Geordi's physical and audio modifications, B-4 was still hauntingly similar to his departed 'brother'. Will waited as the androids deep purple eyes searched his.. or his brothers.. information banks. "Ah.."

"Approximate time for rendezvous, B-4?"

"Four hours and twenty nine minutes, Captain."

"See you soon. Riker out."

* * *

"Commander Gibson?" The man turned towards the doors of the turbo lift.

"Dr. Picard." He took a deep breath. "What do I owe this honor?"

"May I speak to you in the ready room commander?" She didn't give in to his mockingly false admiration.

"Sure." He stood up. "You have the bridge Ms. Broks."

The young Lieutenant stood up slowly watching the Commander follow the doctor towards her husband's office.

Beverly settled on the edge of Picard's desk, her hand stroking the cover of one of his hardbound Shakespeare manuscripts.

"I'm assuming your coming here to finally clue me in on the Captain's health situation?"

Beverly exhaled slowly,

"I'm here to apologize." She told him softly. "For everything Sam. For what's happening, for what has happened.."

"For what's about to happen…?" The first officer replied. "Are you ready to tell me why the Captain of the Titian is on his way here at maximum speed?"

He moved forward, his eyes falling on the chair behind the desk. The chair that he'd never sat in. Not ever. Not for the three months after Sienna Picard was born. Not when the his CO and his family was on shore leave. Not now when his Captain was on unspecified medical leave. He bet that Will Riker would have no problem sitting in it when he arrived. "Can you at least tell me how he is?"

"He's doing as well as can be expected." Beverly whispered, jumping slightly as Sam Gibson's fist punched the wall beside him.

"Damn it, Doctor!" He shook his head rapidly. " He's been my Captain for over 10 years! Don't act like I'm some outsider!" Beverly's eyes shot down to the carpet. "You know? Before I came here, people kept telling me how lucky I was. What a family the Enterprises Sr Staff was.." He laughed a little. "They didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Yeah, you guys were a family all right.. And I was the unwanted step child."

"Sam.." Beverly rubbed her face.

"I get it.. I do.." he huffed. "You all had been together in a long time.. Been through a lot.. But Beverly.. We've been through a lot too.. I know I'm not everyone's favorite person, but damn it , lately it's like I'm the enemy!"

"Do you know why Will Riker was placed here as First Officer?" The doctor whispered.

"Picard choose him from the list of-."

"Before that." She interrupted. "Why he was on the list to begin with?"

"Remarkable Starfleet record.." Sam shook his head in confusion.

"He was power hungry." Beverly grinned softly. "Over confident. Overly egar for the big chair." Her smile widened and she brushed her eyes with the flat edge of her palm. "He needed to be knocked down a few. He needed to be mentored. Will thought it was just one more quick stop on his path to his own ship. The next thing you know it was over 18 years later."

Beverly lowered herself into her husbands chair, running her hands along the arm rests.

"He's one of the most well respected, admirable captains in the fleet. Jean-Luc had more than a little to do with that."

Sam Gibson swallowed hard.

"So.. What your saying is it didn't work on me?" He muttered.

"I'm saying I'm sad you're not going to get five more years." Beverly dropped her eyes,

"He's dying." Sam's face fell as the words slipped out of his barely moving lips.

"No.." She said softly. "What's happening to Jean Luc, it's worse than dying.."

Gibson made a face.

"I don't understand."

"_Commander Gibson, the Titian's shuttle craft is ready to dock in shuttle bay two_."

"Aknowledged." He reached out his hand slowly toward Beverly Picard. She took it, letting Sam pull her to her feet. He studied her weary face before squeezing her hand. "Let's go greet your guests."

* * *

"Biffer!" Lizzie Riker squealed with delight as the android carefully lifted her from the shuttle door way. Will watched cautiously, lowering his daughters hoveraid to the gold skinned Lieutenant.

"Hello Lizzie." He told her warmly. Riker grinned, his little girl had always had a confusing attraction to the android. "How was your trip?"

"Bum-pdy." She grinned before she caught site of the red headed woman coming towards her. "Auunntee Beberly!"

Her eyes still fixed on the tricorder Beverly huffed out a sigh of relief. Before she dropped the instrument into her pocket and reached her arms out.

"Lizzie Lu." The little girls hands twisted around her neck. Greatfully B-4 did not let go of his tiny charge because Beverly was quick to pull away and hurry towards the shuttle door.

Will put up his hand.

"Easy doctor." He whispered, moving forward and extending his hands towards his wife. Deanna's pale face made her grip her reclaimed tricorder harder.

"Might as well put it down Beverly it won't tell you anything you don't already know." Deanna breathed slowly and purposefully as Sam moved past his CMO and extended his hand to Deanna Riker.

She let go of the shuttle door and let Will lower her to Sam.

"Maybe I need a hoveraid." She tried to smile, Sam resisted the urge to squeeze her hand. "Thank you Commander." She turned towards her best friend, the tears in the other woman's eyes made her own fill slowly.

"Can I hug you?" Beverly asked pathetically.

"Oh Beverly." Deanna moved towards her, clasping her arms across the other woman's back while her emotions rolled over her. There was the usual, regret, remorse, guilt, love , relief. But the new emotions where what almost knocked the frail woman over. Fear and grief had settled right in the doctors chest. Deanna held her close, despite the burning of her over sensitive nerves.

Picard pulled back taking in the woman's tight face.

"You should be in sickbay." She told her empathically drilling her eyes into her friends.

"Beverly." Will said calmly stepping down beside his wife. "She should rest." He lowered his hand softly to her shoulder. "while we talk.." The doctor nodded remorsefully. "Geordi?"

"He's waiting for us in your guest quarters. B-4 can take Lizzie to sick bay to get her treatment and then take her to see Jack."

Will nodded back before looking at Gibson.

"The second officer of the USS Enterprise reduced to nothing more than a glorified babysitter?" Sam teased. "Hardly seems fair."

"I am uniquely qualified to care for Elizabeth's special needs Commander Gibson." B-4 Protested.

"I was kidding Lieutenant Commander." He smiled, his eyes moving to Will. "I should get back to work-."

Will Riker took a deep breath.

"I think you better join us Commander." The former first officer looked at his replacement. "This concerns you as well."

* * *

"Irumadic Syndrome" Sam's voice was less than a whisper, as if saying the words out loud would cause the whole ship to slam to a stop. "How long.."

"17 years ago, Jean-Luc was exposed to the future." Beverly chose her wording carefully, looking at Will for support. He nodded. "In that future he had Irumadic Syndrome. When he returned we did tests that did in fact indicate susceptibility to the illness."

"I should have been told." Sam swallowed hard. " I should have been told right away. Or at least when he started showing symptoms."

"The medical staff , Counselor Benara, Geordi and B-4 were all informed." Deanna told him calmly from her spot in the oversized chair. Will had tossed a silky blanket over her before settling on the floor beside her. "They were all informed of what to look out for, how to record ther concerns and-."

"They put the crew at risk.." Sam growled. "My crew"

"The crew was _never_ at risk." Geordi protested. "We had it covered."

"It's not your place to have anything covered!" Sam shouted.

"Sam" Will had risen to his feet and stood looming above him. "We were concerned that if you knew of the Captian's.. situation.. . You would second guess him. Misinterpret his unique command techniques.."

"I wouldn't do that!" Sam yelled standing to meet Riker head on.

"I did!" Will yelled back unfazed by Gibson's outbursts. Beverly's eyes slipped shut tears sliding out of the corners. Geordi made a face. " He rammed this ship into a Reman vessel. You don't think I heard that order and went 'oh shit he's lost his mind?'"

Geordi snickered painfully behind him.

"There have been moments through out the last seventeen years where we have all had doubts about the Captian." Deanna's melodically soothing voice eased the guilty lines on her husbands face. "The decision was made, with some higher ranking Star Fleet Personnel mind you, that Captain Picard's medical risks would not be discussed with any new officers unless it was a dire situation. "

"Like ramming the Enterprise into a Reman ship?" Sam sighed, looking at Riker.

"Like ramming it into a Vulcan ship." Riker said softly.

"Sam." The tears in Beverly Picard's voice were almost unnerving. "If I had ever thought that his judgment was impaired.."

"I know." The first officer breathed.

"We were watching him, Sir." Geordi told him. "The second things started to look a little foggy Doc rounded us all up." He gestured his arms around the room.

"How is he?" Gibson whispered, watching Riker turn towards Picard for the answer.

"Confused some times. Elated others. It's time to start treatment." Riker dropped beside her, taking her hand in his. "I suspect in his more lucid moments he knows."

"You haven't spoken to him about it?" Sam watched her shake her head. Riker attempted an explanation over the lump in his throat, before his wife chimed in again.

"The night before Will and I left the Enterprise we made a promise." She told him calmly.

"When the time came.. "Beverly began before her breath caught.

"We'd all do it together if we could." Geordi finished, nodding at his hands.

"He said if we all agreed then he'd be forced to concede defeat. " Will's sad voice out weighed his smile as he let go of Beverly and crossed the room to his wife.

She patted the arm of the chair beside her. Sam watched how gingerly he took the space, waiting with held breath until her arm rested hesitantly on his leg. He didn't know much about the Betaziods own health condition, but from the looks of her it wasn't good. He wondered how much the trip back home had cost her. _Home_. The word in his own head hit him like a ton of bricks. They were coming _home_.

"And the Enterprise?" Will Riker's eyes shot to Gibson's with such force the other man almost stepped back.

"We'll worry about the Enterprise after we have dealt with the man."

The Titian's Captain's voice was soft, but the message in his eyes was undeniable. He'd come to claim what was his.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll grab Worf and meet you outside of the Picard's quarters." Geordi whispered to Will before glancing back inside the quarters at Deanna. "How's she doing?"

Will's soft eyes betrayed him for a few seconds before he grinned.

"She's alright." He inhaled slowly. "I should check on Lizzie."

"Captain.." LaForge put his hand on Will's arm. "B would have called you if there was anything you needed to know. Let him calculate all the variables for a while." Will nodded. "Sides she adores him."

"She's going to be heartbroken when you two leave for the Titian."

"We'll be back before she notices." Geordi teased moving back down the hallway. "And just wait till she realizes she'll have him to play with everyday."

"We don't know that Geordi." Will shook his head. "That's not necessarily what they'll do."

"Unless they want a Sr. Staff mutiny… they will." If there was one thing that Will liked most about Geordi's ocular implants it was he ability to see his friend wink. He waited a few seconds for him to be out of sight before touching the panel beside him.

"Computer, analyze life signs of Elizabeth Riker." He whispered softly.

"Elizabeth Riker's life signs are with in normal parameters." Will nodded to himself with a swallow before making his way back into the quarters. He could feel Deanna's dizziness before he saw her sway. He moved quickly grasping her extended hand with his newly aquired feather light touch.

"I'm okay." She sighed.

"Better not do that in front of Beverly." He said softly. "She'll commit you."

"Can you feel the guilt radiating off of her too or is it just me?"

"Only when she saw Lizzie." Will sighed, watching Deanna's face slip.

"The rest of the time you're knocking out any sense of her, or anyone else."

"Are you saying you could think of nothing but me Captian?" She teased.

"Most of the time, Love." He closed his loose fingers around her hand. "You ready?" She nodded at him and he lead her to the door.

* * *

Beverly Picard had intended her stop in sickbay to be short. She was going to pick up some things for _after_. After they told him. After their life was forever altered. After he'd agreed to treatment.

She wanted to have said treatment on hand.

On her way out the door however, she'd seen B-4 holding Lizzie Riker in the hall. Immediately her mind had pushed every potential harm that could have come to her friends' fragile little girl. She'd already dropped the case she was carrying and started towards them when the android dropped her back to her feet and Beverly watched her half hover half run back towards the other end.

Beverly was calculating how much stress the jog would put on her compromised lungs, when she saw her son at the other end, his arms outstretched as Lizzie dove into them. She tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. She remembered when She and Deanna had been pregnant, how many times she'd pictured them running through the halls of this ship.

_They could have_, Beverly mused. _If you had just been on the ball._

Lizzie made a squeal as Jack turned to chase her back towards her babysitter. Beverly gasped slightly, preparing to chastize all of them for taking risks with her.

"I have calculated that Lizzie can do this activity four more times, Doctor." The Android informed her without taking his eyes off of the girl. "And in event that her life supports should falter I have decided to stand right outside of sickbay." Beverly pressed her lips closed, the sting of tears pressing into her sore eyes. "I do believe that Consoler and Captain Riker insist on normal child experiences." His arms jetted out, swinging Lizzie up before she wiggled back down. "From what I understand, chase is an acceptable game on both Earth and Betazed."

Beverly nodded absently before turning back towards the lift.

"Mom!" Jack ran up beside her grabbing at her sleeve. She turned her head to face him. "You forgot this." His hands reached out to her, gripping the handle of the case. She looked deep into her son's eyes, Jean-Luc's eyes, before plastering on a quick smile.

"Thank you." She pressed her lips to his head before moving past her son's questioning gaze and into the turbolift letting the doors shut between them. She pressed her lips together again forcing any attempt by her body to cry while she made her way down the corridor to her quarters.

Alyssa smiled at her as the doors swished open, standing from her spot on the couch.

"Mommy!" Beverly scooped Sienna off of the ground and squeezed her tightly.

"Hello my darling!" She whispered, burying her face in her daughter's light strawberry locks.

"We thought we should wait for you before we started our sleepover. " Alyssa told her a little louder than she needed too, causing Beverly to glance at her reason. Jean-Luc folded his book closed as she swept Sienna back to the ground.

"You're late." He smiled, his eyebrow arching up towards her.

"I'm sorry. I had a meeting."

"Anything the Captain should know about?" He teased, laying his lips against her cheek.

"The Captain is on medically mandatory shore leave." She reminded, turning towards Alyssa mouthing thank you.

"Well Sienna, Halli." The two girls stopped, two pairs of eyes fell on her. "Should we be off to party?"

"Bye Papa!" The five year old tossed herself towards her father. "Bye Mommy."

"Goodnight mon petit choux." Jean-Luc sighed, letting his daughter go.

"Quit calling her a cabbage." Beverly grinned. "She'll get a complex."

"I'll have you know I was often called a Cabbage and I turned out just fine." His eyes sparkled for a second, and hers filled with tears. "Beverly? What is it?"

"Jean-Luc.." She whispered painfully, as his familiar grasp settled on her slim shoulders. "I have something to tell you."

The door chime beat her too it.

"I wasn't sure if I should do it this way." She begged, her voice was starting to get flighty and frantic. " But it was what you wanted so I.."

The door chimed again.

"Beverly?" He examined her again, as a slow look of understanding settled on his face. This was it.

"I love you." She pleaded. "No matter what I-."

He gripped her a little harder, turning towards the door with a resolute voice. A Captain's voice, and if he was right about what was on the other side of that door, it was the voice he wanted to use.

"Come."

His wife started to cry when the rest of his original crew started though the door. He huffed out an almost relieved smile. Will Riker pulled himself to his full height. His blue eyes sharp and controlled.

"Sir." Will's eyes misted over a little, but his voice stayed calm. He waited, hoping he wouldn't have to say the words. He didn't want to have to tell the man, who was more a father to him then the one who gave him life, that is was time to leave the party.

"Dear God Will, what the hell took you all so long?"


	3. Chapter 3

"You know it's happening, but at the same time you keep thinking.." Picard shook his head slowly before turning to his former number one. "Maybe I'm over reacting."

"I think Beverly waited as long as she could." Will sighed. "And it took us three days to get here."

"How's Deanna?" He asked suddenly, seeming aware of their situation for the first time.

"She's amazing." He smiled. "I never thought she'd get this far."

"Far from what?" Will swallowed hard at the confused look on Picard's face. It had happened a few times in the hour or so he'd been sitting here with him, the other man seemingly loosing track of the conversation mid thought.

"In her pregnancy." Riker prompted softly.

"Yes.." Picard looked past him, as if the clarity was on the bulkhead behind his former first officer.

"Boys?" Beverly took that moment to move out of the bedroom doorway, her medical case clutched in her hand. "It's getting late. I'm sure Will needs to get back to Deanna."

"My wife wants to pump me with hyposprays now Will and she thinks it may hurt my fragile ego if she does it in front of you." He whispered conspiratorially .

"It may hurt my ego to watch." Will's blue eyes twinkled as he rose. "Deanna is probably waiting."

"Captain Riker?" Will froze at the formality, turning on his toes to face his senior officer with a straight back. "I know you'll take good care of her. " For an insane moment he thought he meant Deanna, until Picard's eyes drifted slowly around the cabin. "She's still the best ship in the fleet Will. She deserves the best captain."

The sadness of the moment returned to him and Riker swallowed back his budding excitement. Picard suddenly looked feeble, with Beverly's hands skimming down the base of his skull. He nodded firmly before pivoting again and leaving their quarters.

His hands were trembling as he walked back through the halls, people nodding to him, quiet whispers of Captain came from the unaware crew. He swallowed hard, his thoughts turning away from their destination.

_Deanna?_

_Go we're fine._

Will steeled his confidence, feeling Deanna's own belief in him radiate through his mind. He slipped in to the turbo lift.

"Bridge." His voice boomed through out the lift. He clung to Deanna's thoughts.

____

He's expecting you Will. He's made peace with it.

I've been in his place Deanna you accept it. You never make piece with it.

He understands.

I still feel like I'm walking around like it's my birth right.

Isn't it?

She teased_. _

Will tried to stifle his grin as the lift opened and he strode onto the bridge.

"Captain." She was right, Sam Gibson seemed resolute.

"Commander Gibson." He tried to smile at the man. "Hope you don't mind. I just wanted to see if everything was where I left it."

"I think I held down the fort for you Sir." Gibson's voice was honest, with out a touch of jealousy. Riker inhaled slowly, wishing his wife was on the bridge so he could eavesdrop on the first officers emotions.

"I'd like a moment." Will raised his eyes at the ready room door, Gibson gestured for him to lead.

"How did it go?" Sam Gibson asked as the doors slid shut.

"Alright." Riker nodded his eyes zooming in almost longingly on the chair behind the desk. Sam slipped onto the small lounge chair. "He'd been waiting for it I think."

"So when will he?"

Even in her head it was a sigh. Back in their guest quarters she couldn't help but smile.

"I don't know." Will grumbled. "We don't know anything yet Sam."

"We know they're not giving the Enterprise to me." Sam chuckled. "I don't know why Picard even kept me."

"He must have known you were the man for the job." Will told him sternly.

"You can ask LaForge, I clearly was not." Sam shook his head.

"I don't have to ask LaForge, I know Picard. He requires the best for this ship so you must be the best." Will's forceful voice made any argument seem ridiculous.

"B-4 to Captain Riker." The android's call bit back any reply Gibson may have had.

"Riker."

"Priority one message for you Sir. From Star Fleet Command."

"Aknowledged." He glanced at Sam questioningly, Gibson rolled his eyes and gestured to the terminal. "I'll take it in here.'

"Yes Sir."

"So much for tomorrow." Sam teased.

"It's probably about the Titian." Will snapped almost worriedly. It couldn't possibly be about Picard.

"If you say so Captain" Sam sighed, making his way out of the ready room. His feet had barely cleared the threshold when his communicator beeped.

"Picard to Gibson." Sam almost jumped at his Captain's voice. He hadn't heard it in four days.

"Gibson here, Sir."

"May I see you in my quarters, Commander?"

"Yes Sir." Gibson looked at B-4 who nodded back as he charged up the deck and into the turbolift.

* * *

"Sam." Beverly greeted him at the door, with her usual wilting smile, waving him towards the couch before disappearing.

"Commander." Picard called him softly. "I hear you have been informed of my… situation."

"Yes Sir." He didn't know what to say after that.

"I'm sure it came as quiet a shock. Will says you were angry."

"Sir I-."

"I understand that Sam." Picard didn't seem to noticed he'd interrupted. "I would have been concerned if you weren't." His captain smiled wistfully. "I resigned my commission an hour ago Sam. I'm officially retired."

Gibson hung his head.

"I don't know when they'll be assigning-."

"Riker just received a communiqué before I left, Sir." Picard's face lifted in surprise. A proud smile stretching across his face before he caught himself.

"Could have been about the Titian." Picard recovered.

"That's what he said, Sir." Gibson smiled. "It isn't."

"He's a worthy Captain, Sam." Jean-Luc's pride was tempered only slightly by his hard to shake star fleet detachment. "The Enterprise would be lucky to have him."

* * *

Captain Will Riker leaned back in the ready room chair, still staring at the blank screen in front of him. A few quick words from an Admiral he didn't know and now he was Captain of the Enterprise.

Picard had wasted no time. The brass hadn't given him any clues if there had been discusion. If anyone had taken offense at Star Fleet that Will Riker seemed to have been circling the Enterprise before Picard's chair had gotten warm, no one had tipped that fact to him. It had been a stark flat announcement.

"You'll take command of the Enterprise effective immediately."

He'd stupidly sputtered for a second and asked for how long. The stoic admiral had finally cracked a smile, even if only briefly.

"As long as you'll have her I suppose." His face had gone stony again and he had added in all seriousness, "don't crash this one Captain."

And that was that.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** I've borrowed Judith from** E. Wallace**. I guess they could sue if they wanted too.

* * *

_Captain's Personal Log: Supplemental_

_The Titian is due to arrive in three hours with the representatives of the Tere 'Tel high counsel. How I'm supposed to negotiate a biphasic weapons treaty with them in just a few days is beyond me._

_Seeing my now former ship and crew again would be enough of an emotional ringer, but running interference between Beverly and Deanna has become a full time job. I'm not sure how much longer we can all exist here with all of us pretending that everything's alright._

...

* * *

Beverly blinked at him.

"I see." She said almost coolly, breaking the icy silence she'd been in since he'd stop talking.

"Dr.."

"No Captain I understand its-."

"No you don't understand. It's not about not trusting you or-."

"Will really. You don't have to explain any longer. I'll just-." She held up her hand for a second before tapping her combadge. "Dr. Selar could you join us in here please?"

"Beverly." He sighed again, this was not going how he'd hoped.

"Dr?" The tiny Vulcan slipped into Picard's office with out much of a sound. Beverly spun on her heels.

"Selar, the Captain has just informed me that Dr. Ree of the Titian will be meeting with you this afternoon to go over Counselor Riker's prenatal information and brief you on Fibronatal Infusion.

"Ma'am?"

"The Captain and Counselor have decided that you will be taking over as her Obstetrician." Beverly's professional detached tone hurt Will's ears.

"Sir?" She turned her questioning eyes to Riker. His were still on his CMO.

"Beverly please. If you'll just give me a moment to explain."

"Not necessary. Now if you'll excuse me I'm needed else where." She swept past the both of them, leaving a very guilty Captain and a very confused Vulcan in her office.

Will Riker took a long breath before looking at his assistant chief of medicine.

"Selar." He dropped the pad he'd been holding into her hands and gave her a quick nod before leaving.

* * *

Will waited in the corridor for a few minutes making sure he'd given Beverly enough time to get away.

He wished she'd let him get past 'Deanna and I think it's best.." He had many good lines after that. Plenty of praise. Plenty of ego stroking. Sugar. He'd thought to himself as he'd rehearsed it last night. To help the medicine go down.

But she'd preferred to take hers straight it seemed.

He needed someone to talk to. Someone who was not his wife. He needed to talk to Jean Luc Picard. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He could feel Deanna's mind reaching questioningly out to his.

_Believe me Imzadi you don't want to know._ He sent to her before securing the walls he had around his current emotional state. She had enough to worry about.

This ship surely had someone aboard who could work this through with him. Someone who didn't have a personal stake in it all.

"Computer. Location of Counselor McKenna?"

"Counselor McKenna is in session."

"Of course she is." Will muttered to himself before huffing and heading towards the next best thing.

* * *

"I was wondering what was taking you so long." Her dark lips split into a calming smile and the Captain couldn't help but share it.

"Oh you knew I couldn't stay away." He shook his head before hugging the woman.

"You want the usual?" She purred, as he dropped onto the chair between them.

"You still remember?"

"I've got the good stuff." She lifted a sly eyebrow before floating off to the bar and returning with his favorite beverage.

"So what's on your mind Captain?"

"Where do I start? I'm finally here. He gestured around the room. "The flag ship of the Federation. Back Home. Deanna's struggling through the last few weeks of this pregnancy, the Damn Tere'Tel can't keep their biphasic energy to themselves, my mentor has a degenerative disease and I just had to tell my CMO, his wife, that she won't be delivering our child. And speaking of children I haven't seen my daughter awake in two days."

He stopped, rubbing his face with his hands before taking a long drink.

"Other than that it's just peachy."

"Beverly took it hard?" She asked the question more like stating the fact. Will could only grimace. "She's been through a lot."

"I know." He grimaced.

"You and Deanna made the right decision." Guinan assured him softly.

"Did we?" Will questioned silently. "She's the best doctor in Starfleet."

"She's the best Doctor in Star Fleet because she's a healer. There is nothing hear to heal. Not Jean Luc, not Deanna, not Elizabeth. She's the best Dr. in Star Fleet but she's powerless to save her own family from their pain and suffering."

"The damn guilt radiates off of her. I don't even have to use Deanna's empathy for it to overwhelm me." He took another swig. "She's done nothing to feel guilty about."

"No." Guinan agreed.

"But I go in there telling her we want Selar to deliver this baby.." He sighed. "How else is she supposed to take that?"

* * *

"You think he meant it that way?" Judith McKenna asked calmly as her patient wore holes in the carpet of her office.

"How else could he have meant it? He doesn't trust me and I can't say that I blame him."

"Did he say he didn't trust you?"

"He didn't have to. I mean how much trust should he have in me anyway? I'm the one that caused this whole mess."

"You caused Fibronatal Infusion? That's quiet a feet considering from my knowledge I believe it had already become an obscure Betazoid illness years before you were born." Judith hummed.

"You know what I mean."

"I do." Judith reached out and grabbed Beverly's arm as she paced by. "I just wanted to remind you how ridiculous you sound."

The red head snatched her arm back from her friend before dropping onto the couch beside her.

"My ignorance destroyed their child Judith. It's hardly ridiculous to think that they might blame me."

"And you think that by replacing you with Selar they're protecting themselves?"

"Who else could they be protecting?" Beverly whined, looking up at Judith's raised eyebrow. "Me?" She squeaked when her friend didn't reply.

"You." Judith confirmed. "And that's very noble of them, seeing as they don't even know about your secret lab and the hours of research and testing you've been doing in there."

"Secret lab." Beverly moaned. "You make me sound like a mad scientist or something."

"Well.. As a doctor you are a scientist.. And well Beverly you do seem-,"

"That's enough Counselor" She teasingly interrupted, before the smile faded off of her lips. "You know I'd tell Jean Luc in frustration that trying to cure all of them was making it impossible to cure any of them he'd tell me to cure Lizzie." She smiled sadly. "He'd say that he was an old man and that she had her whole life ahead of her. And if he had to loose his mind for her to have lungs, he'd do it."

"Beverly. You can't save everyone."

"No." Picard looked up at McKenna again before wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I can't save any of them."

"Deanna doesn't need saving." Judith reached out and gripped Beverly's wrist. "She's going to be fine. She's going to deliver a healthy baby and go on to live a healthy life." Beverly's lips twitched. "She doesn't blame you. No one is blaming you."

"Except for me." The CMO whispered. "I blame me. I gave her the damn hypo-."

"And if any pregnant crew member walked into sickbay tomorrow with the same complaint you would give the same hypo and all that would happen to them is that their pain would go away." Judith smiled sadly. "It's not your fault."

"I wish I could believe that." Beverly shook her head.

"Maybe if you could the Riker's wouldn't see it necessary for Selar to deliver their child."

* * *

Commander Geordi LaFordge slipped off the turbo lift and joined Commander Vale outside the diplomatic conference room.

"They still in there?" He asked in amazement.

"Yep." Vale sighed.

"How long does it take to convince someone not to use biphasic energy?" He turned, pushing his body up against the wall beside her in exhaustion. "I'm pretty sure 'y_ou'll dissolve your entire population' _only takes like.. Ten seconds."

"They think they can control it." She sighed.

"They can't." Geordi assured.

"I'm assuming that part of the discussion is what's lasting longer than your ten seconds."

LaFordge shook his head,

"You hear anything from Star Fleet command yet?"

"Nope" She sighed again, looking at him with a look of uncertainly.

"You'll get it. They're just being slow to mess with you."

"I don't know." Christina smiled. "I just don't want them to send me some fresh from a desk, brain trust, to break in as my boss you know?"

"You'll get it." he assured again before pushing off the wall. "They're coming."

Vale straightened up as well, silently praising Geordi's heightened sight as the doors slid open.

Will was still shaking hands with the Counsel members with Worf and B-4 flanking him on either side.

He stole a look at Christine and she sagged back. She'd been his Number 1 for years, she could read him like a book and they both knew that this was only the end of one small chapter.

"We'll meet again tomorrow morning." Will confirmed as he bowed slightly to the Ambassador. "Commander Vale will get you beamed back to the Titian."

He waited until Christine had led them into the lift before he looked at Geordi and blew out a long breath.

"Geordi we need to discuss what your going to present to them tomorrow." Will said slowly before wincing. His hand flew to his temple as his breath quickened. B-4's lavender eyes regarded him with mild interest.

"Captain?" Geordi leaned forward slightly. "Are you alright?"

Will's face snapped back to his Engineer.

"Yes of cour-" B-4 caught the catch in the tall man's breath.

"Actually Geordi can we do this later?"

"Sure." He whispered calmly as Riker pushed past him and into the turbo lift.

"What the hell was that?"

"I do not know Geordi." B4's; deep voice chimed in. "But it is the fourth episode like that I have witnessed since Captain Riker has come on board."

"If he found it relevant. He would have shared it with us by now." Worf 's commanding tone quickly ended the gossip as Geordi silently nodded his head.

* * *

Will rounded the corner to his quarters crashing against the wall as he did. He put his hand onto the panel and let it guide him to the door way as the door swished open.

"I'm sorry." He heard her cry as he stumbled towards their bedroom. "I tried to wait but I couldn't stand it any more! I'm sorry."

"Shh.." He whispered dropping onto the bed where she was curled up in a ball. He rested one hand on her side while the other fumbled for the med kit Dr. Ree had supplied. "It's alright."

He struggled to control himself as his wife writhed in pain beside him. Will grasped at the hypospray, pressing it with a hiss against the tender skin of his neck. He winced as the medication made it's way though his skin.

"I tried. But I couldn't do it anymore. I'm sorry. I-.. I couldn't stand it." Deanna sobbed as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the link between them, sweeping the pain from her mind into his.

"Shh.." He whispered again, waiting for the medication to numb the agony she was sending him. "Just breathe. It's okay."

He lowered himself down on the bed next to her as she continued to cry softly until she fell into a fitful sleep. He tried to focus on the hazy tingle of the medication as he closed his own eyes.

"Every things going to be okay." He whispered as he lost grip on both of their consciousness'.


	5. Chapter 5

Dr. Picard." Beverly's eyes rose to meet the hulking prehistoric figure that was lumbering into her sick bay.

"Dr. Ree." She smiled. "I hear your getting ready to take off?"

"We are. I'm headed back to my vessel now. I just wanted to thank you again for the presentation you put together describing some of the more… deal clenching.. Effects of biphasic energy. I do believe it's what changed the minds of the Tere'Tel's high cousel."

"Thank you." She said softly, looking at the small bumps along his small hands. "You know Dr. you really are quiet a remarkable creature." She said softly. The man's tongue shot out of his mouth in a strange smile. "I think reading up on your species is a hobby I'd like to pursue."

"Ah." Ree hissed. "I think you'd find it a boring past time Dr. Picard. You should take up a lost art instead."

"You're work on Terrel 4 was wonderful." Beverly added, returning the conversation to a more professional note.

"Luckily the contamination seems to have been relatively contained. The treatments required seem to be working quite well."

"Good. I wish you safe passage back to the Titian then."

"Yes.." Ree hesitated a moment.

"is there something more Doctor?" She cocked her head to the left and tried to decide how to read a dinosaur's subtlety.

"I was hoping to speak to you on a personal level. About Deanna."

Beverly tried not to bristle.

"You should contact Selar about-."

"She needs a friend." Ree blurted, interrupting Beverly's calm redirection. "Fibronatal Infusion is a terribly draining illness. Physically and Emotionally. If you can find anyway to set aside your own emotions.." The reptilian sighed. "She needs a friend."

"Certainly Will-."

"Will is doing all he can. More that most husbands and fathers could be expected too.." Beverly didn't like the way Ree's voice trailed off at the end of that thought, as if he'd said too much. "But this has been a hard road for him as well. Elizabeth's special condition. Deanna's pain. Six lost pregnancies.." The man's dark dot like eyes came to rest in hers. "They both could use a friend." Picard nodded at the other doctor, he waited a few moments in the silence before nodding again. "I'll take my leave now Dr. Picard."

She nodded again, still pondering his statement as he lumbered back out of her sickbay.

* * *

"We've only got two left." Will sighed, looking at the med kit that Dr. Ree had given them before they left the Titian. "I should have asked Ree for more before the Titian left." He ran his hand over his face and looked at anything but her. The crates from their old quarters, Lizzie's half finished dinner on the table.. Anything but her.

"Perhaps we won't need them." She breathed, looking down.

"Deanna.." He scoffed slightly, grabbing Lizzie's meal remains and placing them in the replicator. "We've got at least six more weeks.. There is no way that-." His voice trailed off, as he leaned back against the wall, with a soft grunt, running his hand over his eyes.

Deanna stilled, letting the wave of exhaustion pass between them with out comment. Her eyes filled with tears as her teeth came down ever so lightly on her moist lip.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. He winced from behind his hand, just as the hot tears started down her cheeks. "I can't imagine what this has been like for you."

"For me.." He breathed again. "Deanna your life has been a living hell for-. Your worried about me?"

"Someone should be. Don't you think?" She sniffed softly. "Or you think that you should have to hold everything on your shoulders. The ship, Picard, Lizzie, the baby.. Me?"

"It's my job." His voice was low and even. Resolute, she decided.

"Will. if there was any other way." He dropped his hand from his face, taking in the streaky tears on her pale cheeks. He shook his head, taking the three large steps to cover the distance between them.

"Stop." He whispered, lightly running his fingers over her arms as his head barely brushed against hers. "Stop it. We made this decision, we knew what it would be like."

"We didn't know we'd be here. Or about the Captain." She huffed.

"We chose to come here. We made that decision too." Will soothed.

The door chime made them both jump, causing Deanna to hiss in pain and Will's sense of hopelessness to return. He took a deep breath, before stepping away from her and calling out a command towards the door.

The entry way opened, revealing the small Vulcan Dr.

"Selar?"

"Captain." She turned to Deanna. "Counselor." Will looked at the silver case she held in her hands. "Dr. Ree and I talked at Length about the.. Alternative methods… the two of you have been using. I explained to him, as you must have known I would, that I can't condone them. The risks to the Captain are too numerous and too severe. It is most defiantly against medical advice"

Will swallowed hard as Deanna's head turned away.

"However, I saw no harm in delivering a medical package that your former CMO said you may need."

She set the silver case on the table and stepped away from it.

"Good night Sir."

"Selar." Will called after her softly. The woman stopped, her head turning back over her shoulder. "Thank you."

"Yes Captain." She nodded as the doors swished shut behind her.

Will placed his hand on top of the case for a moment before opening the case and moving his hand over the rows of hypos. He swallowed, letting his eyes drift shut in relief.

Deanna sniffed again and he lifted his eyes to hers, swallowing against the guilt that radiated from her dark irises.

"I'm going to check in on Elizabeth." He told her calmly.

She nodded, watching his back as he turned into their daughters room. She moved quickly towards the open case as her hand shot out and angrily closed it.

Tears poured into Deanna's eyes, she brought her hand to her mouth in a feeble attempt to hide her tears from her husband and their telepathic connection.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Guinan tilted her head to the left and handed her newest patron his drink of choice.

"Haven't you heard?" The man told her conspiratorially. "I've gone mad."

"Really.." She raised an intrigued eyebrow and dropped into the seat across from him.

"Yes.." She smiled at the relaxed way his 's' had become a 'z' pulling across his lips. "Quiet sad actually. I used to be quiet important."

"Or so they tell you?" Guinan guessed.

"Touché" The bald man tilted his teacup at her. They fell into a comfortable silence, serene smiles pasted on both faces, ignoring the stares from other crew members.

"How **are **you feeling Captain?"

"Oh for Gods sake call me Jean Luc." He breathed. "And I'm feeling fine thank you."

"Seriously?" She smiled before adding. "Jean-Luc?"

"Bored.." He told her, his eyebrows raising as if he was asking himself how he was feeling. "Rather old. And bored."

"I see."

"My wife is driving me crazy." He continued, letting his lips stretch into his most genuine smile.

"Nothing new there."

"No.." He puckered his lips before taking another sip of tea. "My daughter is thrilled that I am now only at_ her _beck and call, and my son seems to think I am an explosive device of some kind."

"It will take time." Guinan whispered. "Seeing frailty in your parent is never easy. But when you are the son of the legendary Jean-Luc Picard.." She gestured at him. "That is another deal entirely."

"I suppose." He huffed, setting the cup on it's saucer and facing his hostess. "So tell me how is the ship."

"You don't know?" She asked him honestly.

"I'm afraid Beverly's been hiding in sickbay and Sienna only knows the goings on in the nursery."

"No visitors?"

"Not the ones I had expected." He sighed. "Geordi seems to always be stopping by to show Jack or I the latest gadget. Alyssa of course, and Worf even stopped in to give me a book on Klingon Philosophy."

"Klingon's write books on Philosophy?"

"That was my exact question" He nodded. "I guess I would have expected.."

"He's very busy." Guinan offered after a few moments of awkward silence. "Someone left him a ship to run."

"Yes. I heard." Picard's words turned sour. "I would have thought he'd at least pretend to be in need of advice."

"I doubt he'd have to pretend." The bartender informed him solemnly. Picard's eyebrow lifted before furrowing. "As I said before.. Seeing frailty in your parent is never easy."

The former Captain of the Enterprise's face grew grim for a moment. He slowly lifted the tea cup to his lips and emptied it.

"Thank you." He said softly, cupping his hand over his old friends before standing and making his way out of the lounge.

"Your welcome." Guinan whispered to herself.

* * *

Sam Gibson nearly fell out of the Command Chair when the turbolift doors opened.

"Sir." He sputtered leaping to his feet to meet the plain clothes man who used to own the bridge.

"Sam." I was hoping to speak with your Captain."

"He's in his- your- the ready room. Sir."

"Yes. That's what the computer told me." Picard grinned almost mischievously at his former first officer, acutely aware ot the eyes of the other bridge officers.

No matter where he went, there were two types of people. People who knew that he had a disease of the mind, they looked at him with pity and concern. Then there was the majority, who only knew that he had retired for medical reasons, who looked at him with concern and interest, searching for any mysterious symptom that would tell them more about what took down the great Captain Picard.

He hated both looks.

"Yes. Of course." Sam shook his head. "It's good to see you Sir."

"Thank you Commander Gibson, it's good to be seen." He stated simply before making his way to the doors of his old office and pressing the chime.

The doors opened quickly and he found himself looking at the back of Will Riker's head.

"What is it?" He sighed almost in irritation.

"And here I thought the Captain of the Enterprise would be someone with some manners." Picard teased, trying to keep from laughing as Riker fumbled the pad he was reading and shot up straight in the chair as he swung around to face his guest. The older man watched him struggle to his feet.

"Cap-." Picard's hand shot up to stop the formal greeting.

"I'm not the Captain of this ship any longer. You are and you're going to have to start naturally calling me Jean-Luc at some point."

The man's eyebrows raised tiredly.

"Well.. That's probably not going to be today." Riker admitted, scrubbing his hands over his bearded face. "What can I do for you… Sir..?"

Picard smiled.

"I was here to ask you the same question Will."

"Yeah?" Riker's large frame dropped like bricks back into his chair. "Loaded question."

"Will.. I'm not a blithering idiot yet you know."

"Cap-." He caught himself. "I never thought that-."

"I still have a few useful years ahead of me."

"If you're here to get your job back _Jean Luc, _today I just might give it to you." Riker snorted, tossing his head back against the chair.

"No. Too much stress." The other man grinned. "Stress is an antecedent to my condition and my wife has made sure to make my life completely stress free in every way. It's very relaxing."

"Sounds horrible." Will breathed.

'It's making me catatonic." Picard agreed. "So I came to ask a favor. Please.. For my own benefit really.. Confide in me."

"What do you want to know?" Will offered, Picard caught the hesitation in his voice.

"How's the crew adjusting to the change?" Picard asked sitting on the sofa.

"Alright." Will shrugged. "The Senior Staff adapted nicely, of course everyone but McKenna knew me pretty well."

"And Judith?"

"She seems to be adjusting. I'd say Beverly's having the hardest time."

"Beverly?" Picard seemed surprised.

"I'd bet it's not easy going from being the Captain's wife to just the CMO." Will shrugged. "On the Titian, Deanna literally had a glimpse of what I was thinking at all times. I'd guess you and Beverly had something similar despite your _mere human communication systems_." His eyes flickered when he finished the sentence and it was the first sign of the real Will Riker that Picard had seen since he came into the room. "I'm sure it's an unsettling thing to loose."

"I hadn't thought of that." Jean Luc considered.

"I'm sure that's not the only problem she's having."

"No?"

"I mean…" Will swallowed. "There's defiantly a.. rift… with Lizzie and Deanna.. And the baby." Will exhaled slowly. "A lot of past there."

"A lot of guilt." Jean Luc finished.

"I'm sure I made that worse, asking Selar…" Will looked out the window, squinting his eyes at the stars.

"What happened on Caladra.."

"Was not Beverly's fault." Riker interrupted. "And it was also a very long time ago."

"You're saying she should be over it?"

"I know it's not that easy." Will shook his head, taking a slow deep breath. "Being bonded to an empath is an extraordinary thing. I don't know if you can imagine feeling another persons feelings. Beverly's feelings.."

"Kes/Pret." He reminded. "I can remember it being humbling, intimate."

"With Beverly." Will added. "With someone who you're not as.. Familiar with.." Picard tried to imagine what his wife's guilt must feel like to Will Riker. "Deanna and I have tried so hard to put Caladra behind us. To accept the challenges as part of life. We don't' asky why or stop to feel sorry for ourselves."

"And Beverly?"

"Her anger and her guilt is still as fresh today as it was nine years ago." He stopped, his gaze returning to the other man's face. "What about you?"

"You don't know?" Picard asked softly.

"It's never come up." The Captain shrugged. "I can only sense what Deanna senses remember? It's not like I can read your mind right now."

"Thank God." Picard smiled back at him before stopping to ponder the question. "Caladra means something different to me." He blinked back at his friend. "Seeing as I was unconscious for most of it, I remember it for what happened because of it."

Will couldn't help but smile with him, he suddenly wished that he could feel what Jean Luc Picard felt about Caladra. He imagined it was like his own feelings when someone mentioned the Ba'Ku home world. He wondered how he would have felt if one of his friends had experienced a loss there. He wondered if that added to Beverly's guilt.

"I'll talk to her Will." Picard's voice interrupted his musing.

"Huh?" He asked airily.

"Beverly." He added. " I don't know if it will do any good, but it's worth a risk. Don't you think?"

"Yes" He admitted watching the other man stand, pulling at the waist of his shirt the same as he had any uniform tunic he'd ever worn.

"In return I'd like you to stop by our quarters more often." He met the tall man's fierce blue eyes. "Jack is having some difficulty with my diagnosis. I think you may be someone he can talk to."

"Of course." Will wanted to kick himself for not thinking of Jack sooner.

"I would like to think I'm still someone you can talk to.. Number one." Picard announced as he left the ready room.

"Yes Sir." Riker found himself whispering to the back of his head.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N This is one of two retroactive chapters. It explains what happened at Caladra. A place that did not exist when this story began.

Set soon after Nemesis.

**

* * *

**

**Star Fleet Medical**  
**Earth**  
**Ten ½ years previous**

Beverly Crusher had been staring at the flashing message for over fifteen minutes, slowly, she reached out a long pale finger and started the message.

_"Beverly._

_I hope this communiqué finds you well. I hope it finds you at all, seeing the difficulty I've had in doing so lately. I'm sure you're heading for Caladra, if you're not already there. That's part of why I'm writing. The Enterprise is set to arrive there early next month. I thought you should know. They've asked me to help with the diplomatic resolutions since the cease fire, and for the Enterprise crew herself to help with the clean up._

_I have heard from Will and Deanna, as I am sure you have, that the Titian will be joining us there when they are finished with their current mapping mission. Deanna will be joining my negotiating team, and Will and his crew will be working with the environmental restoration._

_Caladra's destroyed society seems an odd place for a reunion, but that's what it seems to be._

_Beverly, I miss you terribly. What ever I have done… (sigh)_

_I miss you terribly._

_Jean Luc"_

His voice disappeared, causing a fresh batch of tears to form in her green eyes. She wanted to respond. She wanted to find a channel an explain to him what he had done. How he'd just sat there as she'd told him she was going to return to Star Fleet Medical. That she was leaving because maybe she didn't want to end up divorced from him and Captaining some medical vessel in the middle of no where. Maybe she didn't want to sit around his sickbay waiting for him to decide the time was right.

She hadn't expected him to shore leave at Star Fleet Command. She defiantly hadn't expected him to show up at her apartment with two bottles of Chateau Picard. If she had she certainly would have updated her fertility blockers. If she had she would be on her way to Caladra instead of sitting here afraid to go there five months pregnant.

…...

**USS Enterprise**  
**In orbit around**  
**Caladra Five**  
**(Site of Star Fleets Worst Ecological Disaster )**

_"Captain, "_

_I wish I could say that I've heard something more from Beverly, but all I have received is a short response about the possibility of her coming to Caladra with in the next few weeks. She still seemed as if the decision had not been made._

_I know that all of the Psychology staff and 4th year Cadets have been given orders to report there. So I am confused to why the Chief of Medicine has not. Especially someone with Beverly's background in mass casualties. She is certainly needed there from what Will and I understand._

_We will see you there in a week or so, until then stay safe. Will says hello._

_Deanna."_

Picard sighed at his former Counselor's message. He had hoped she had better news on Beverly. He had considered making a more formal request as to why the Chief of Medicine had not made an appearance on Caladra. He didn't even have to be that outright. He could simply suggest that sending a doctor with specific experience to head the operation would help him show good will for his negotiations. Beverly's experience to be exact. He didn't however. Instead he waited.

* * *

**USS Titian**  
**In orbit around**  
**Caladra Five**  
**(Site of Star Fleets Worst Ecological Disaster )**

"Deanna,

__

I'm on Caladra in the western hemisphere working to get the local physicians up to date on the types of illnesses and injuries to expect over the next few years. I've never seen so much destruction. I cannot imagine what the other side of this planet must be like. Be careful. Watch over each other. Something tells me this is far from over. As far as Jean Luc, I don't know what to tell you. He has done nothing to show me any reason to think anything will ever change.

Bev"

"She say anything?" Will asked softly, making his way back into the bedroom.

"Not really. Just that she doesn't think it's over."

"The war or their romance?" Her husband asked, kissing her bare shoulder, she ran her hands across his cheek.

"The war. Sadly I think the romance may have been doomed all along." She sighed. "Perhaps it's because I'm still alive.." She whispered the last part but his head still shot up.

"What are you talking about?"

"The Captian's future." Deanna reminded him. "They're marriage. The only major discrepancy is my death. I can't help but wonder if that had anything to do with it all."

"Well stop wondering. It's creaping me out." He muttered. "I'll let the Captain stay a batchlor if it means not turning into a bitter old Admiral with nothing to show for himself."

She grinned at him.

"It was just an observation." She smiled.

"Speaking of observations, did you tell her yet?" He let his hand slip around her, settling over her abdomen.

"No." She admitted, lacing their fingers together. "I want to tell her in person."

"I hope she's as excited for us as Picard." He returned her smile. She hoped her baby had his twinkling blue eyes.

"She will be."

* * *

**Shalda Region**  
**Caldara Five**  
**(Site of Star Fleets Worst Ecological Disaster )**

"As you can see Captain the peace here is tentative at best."

Picard walked through the tent city, glancing at the freshly wounded and freshly ill that seemed to be all around him.

"The children pick up bio-weaponry in the streets. The young men still battle over lines drawn hastily on a map by people who have never lived near here before. They are separated from everything they have ever fought for in the name of peace." MayLord Ginise walked slowly and purposefully though the refugee's. Picard's fell on a young doctor, treating an infant wrapped in a Star Fleet blanket.

"Janick. This is Picard, from Star Fleet." Ginise motioned to the young man.

"Star Fleet." He repeated softly. "I have learned much from your people."

"I am glad to hear that." Picard looked at the little boy. "Janick I have a member of my diplomatic team who has just found out she is expecting, about three months along. Is there any danger here for her?"

"Biomedical, no. As long as she remains with the diplomatic envoy." He stopped talking. "However I know that another woman from Star Fleet has decided that the political tensions put her unborn child at too much risk. She will not leave the West until she is sure there is peace."

"Thank you. I will relay that to my officer."

"She should speak to Dr. Beverly. She may have more insight then I."

Picard's blood ran cold for an instant, as his eyes furrowed. His mouth opened softly several seconds before the words could form.

"Dr. Beverly?" He repeated breathlessly.

"Yes. Dr. Beverly Crusher. She was my teacher in the west. She is with child, expecting with in the next month or so." The man said proudly, having no idea what he had just done.

* * *

**USS Titian**  
**In orbit around**  
**Caladra Five**  
**(Site of Star Fleets Worst Ecological Disaster )**

"_Will,_

_I have gone to the Western Hemisphere for a few days. Word in the city is that Deanna is safe as long as she is with the Envoy. I hope that she can continue the processes until I return._

_Picard"_

"Maybe she's contacted him?" Deanna whispered reading over Will's shoulder.

"I hope so." Riker said soflty. "Do you want me to come with you to the negotiations?"

"No. That's alright. Dr. Ree said he would like to speak to them."

"You think they're ready to meet someone of his.. Stature?" Will's voice rose at the end and Deanna couldn't help but giggle.

"I think they'll be shocked, but hey it might work to my advantage right?" He cupped his face in her hands and smiled.

"Speak softly and carry a big dinosaur?" He teased.

* * *

**Piqueti Valley**  
**Mobil Hospital**  
**Western Hemisphere**  
**Caladra Five**

" Computer record message. Destination Star Fleet Command. Admiral Ulina Havac MD" Beverly moved her hand through her sweaty hair, pulling it until she could wrestle it into a rough bun.

"Acknowledged recording begun" her consol reported back to her. She sighed and started her letter.

"_Admiral Ulina Havac _

_You had asked me to inform you of when I had decided that my condition must precede my work. Uli, I am afraid I am at that point. I had forgotten how much the last few months of pregnancy can take from you._

_I have plans with Captain Hansen of the Northwestern. He has agreed to let me continue to educate from there until the baby comes. After that I will have to make some hard personal decisions. I see how great the need is here on Caladra and I know of the effects they will have around the Fleet if they are not dealt with here and now._

_The presence of three of the most powerful and tactically strong ships of the Federation here is reminder enough. For now I will stay, but I can't say that I know where my future lies._

_On a personal note, thank you for your concern, I **am** doing alright._

_Beverly Crusher MD"_

He watched her move from the tent they had pointed out to him and make her way across the courtyard to the barracks. Silently he followed her, watching the way her hand rested in the small of her back, how her other finger swept over her rounded abdomen. He hadn't truly believed it until right now, Beverly Crusher was pregnant.

"Can I help you, Captain?" A young Officer asked suddenly.

"No.. No." He muttered softly. "Thank you Ensign. I'm alright."

Liar, He thought to himself, moving towards the building she'd escaped into.

He had caught a glimpse of her as she rounded the corner and into one of the dorms. He didn't know how long ago that had been. He did know it must have been quiet a while judging by how stiff his legs seemed when he stood back up from where he had planted himself and knocked on the door.

"Just a minute." She called softly from behind the wooden frame. He held his breath as the door unlocked and swung open. Exhaling as quickly as she inhaled. "Jean Luc." She gripped at the edges of her tan robe, as if she could mask her fully pregnant body from him.

"Dr." He wanted to curse himself for the formality, while wanting to curse her for being so informal. "May I come in, please?"

Her eyes hardened over and a very familiar look of defeat set in.

"Of course." She let go of the door, turning away.

"Beverly." The name came off his lips as an accusation and she immediately shrunk away from him.

"Jean Luc this is not the way I intended you to find out."

"How did you intend to for me to find out!" His voice rose sharply. Picard took a breath in an attempt to control himself.

"I don't know." She gripped at the opening of the robe again.

"Why don't you put on something more appropriate for this conversation?"

"What should that be Captain? My uniform? Because I don't think I'll fit into the lace teddy I wore the last time we were alone together." She hissed.

His chin dropped quickly to his chest.

"Beverly.."

"Just a moment." She huffed, tears now evident in her voice as she stomped into the bathroom. She returned in a simple pale yellow dress that accented her figure more than either of the previous outfits.

"Beverly.. Why in God's name would you hide something like this from me?"

Her eyes met his and he took in their weary pink rims and swollen lids, she didn't have an answer and it showed in the way her lips trembled.

He made his way across the room and lifted his hands to her shoulders.

"Why?" He repeated softly. "I would have been there for you."

"That's why." She explained breathlessly.

"You didn't want me here." He asked evenly, his thumbs making circles against the balls of her shoulders.

"I didn't want you to be here because you were supposed to be, Jean Luc."

"Why do you think I wouldn't want to be?" He watched the tears slip from her eyes and onto her pinking cheeks.

"What reason did I have to think that you would?" They always did this. Ran around in circles and riddles. Even now, knowing it, she knew she couldn't stop.

His look was simply pained now. He took her hand and led her to the small love seat in the living area. She gladly accepted his offer to sit. He continued to stare at her.

"I don't know what to say now." He told her softly.

"Then don't say anything." She whispered, watching as his hand made the slightest move at her elbow. She picked it up slowly, moving it to the child with in her. "You don't have to say anything."

…...

**USS Titian**  
**In orbit of **  
**Caladra Four**

_"Captain,_

_You are needed here. The negotiations are at risk of falling apart. Will has been brought into to cool heads, but I am afraid that things are not going to move forward with out the trust that you have gained on both sides._

_I hope that you've found Beverly and everything is well. I am sure her work there is difficult. Tell her we hope to see her soon as well._

_Deanna"_

* * *

"I want you to come with me." He told her in no uncertain terns.

"Jean Luc the West side is unstable."

"On the ground, but the East is covered in sensor blind zones. So much so that Geordi won't allow transport with in a two mile radius of this city. If you needed an emergency transport-."

"Yes, because what would I do in case of an medical emergency with nothing more than a Mobil Hospital to help-?"

"You can go back to the Enterprise." He interrupted quickly.

"And do what?"

"What you're doing on the Northwestern." He told her firmly.

"That's ridiculous. I'm set up here. There is no reason to change my plans."

"There is a reason." He stammered, pointing at her lap. "A very good reason!"

"This reason isn't going anywhere soon." She countered. "We have at least 18 years to iron this mess out."

"That isn't funny Doctor."

"Who said anything about this was funny? CAPTAIN?" She shouted back.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" He accused his head shaking slowly back and fourth as she stood.

"Go back to your mission before people get killed."

"Beverly." He moved forward taking her by the shoulders. "Tell me. Please. What I did to you that made you make the decisions that you've made?"

"What did I do?"

"Nothing." She whispered sadly. "You did nothing."

…...

**USS Titian**  
**In orbit around**  
**Caladra Five**

_"Deanna,_

_Thank you for your letter. It goes unsaid that I knew I could count on you. This was just something that I had to do alone. The prospect of little Rikers and Little Picards running around together makes me tear up. Literally. I'm sure, one hormonal woman to another, you understand._

_I am so happy for you and Will. I only wish that I could have that._

_I know that I've hurt Jean Luc and regret doing that._

_But we know the decisions he made. He chose not to pursue our relationship and he chose not to stop me from leaving the Enterprise._

_I don't think that your not dying was what made the difference Deanna. No offense, but that's a pretty big leap. (One I'm glad we don't have to test.) Perhaps seeing that future. Seeing us divorced.. Maybe that was the catalyst. I don't know._

_All I know is that Jean Luc and I have made our choices. We share a child and a bruised and battered friendship. Nothing more._

_I will contact you from the Northwestern when the time comes. Until then I'm still making trips to the planet. Despite feeling as big as a shuttle craft._

_Beverly."_

"You should go to her Captain." Deanna said forcefully after stopping the communique and meeting his eyes.

"You shouldn't have let me listen to that Deanna." He croaked.

"There is still time to change it."

"I don't think there is."

"Will and I.."

"You and Will are a different story."

"Is she right? Is it because of the divorce?" She almost demanded.

He considered it, a long breath moving his upper body abruptly.

"No." He shook his head. "Yes. Maybe!"

"Captain." She said softly.

"If you'd have seen her Deanna." He swallowed. "When she turned around…"

"Captain. ." Her voice was barely audible.

"The feelings of failure.. The hurt that I knew I had caused that woman by choosing Star Fleet again and again.. The love I still had for her.. The sorrow that I was going to die alone.. with out her by my side.."

"You know better now." She said softly. "You can change that."

"Can I?" He raised his eyebrows. "I'm not so sure."

_"Enterprise to Captain Picard"_

"Yes Worf what is it?"

_"We are picking up a distress signal from Caladra Four."_

"Mr. Worf?" The distress was obvious in the Klingon's voice beside him Deanna's eyes went wide.

_"It is from Dr. Crusher"_

…...

_"Crusher to Enterprise. Please.. Please come in. Oh God let this work. USS Enterprise or any orbiting vessel. The Mobil Hospital has taken fire. I'm slightly north of the compound and completely cut off. I am unable to contact the Northwestern. There are at least two raid teams in the area. I'm.. I'm going to.. to try and find a way out of the blind zone. Dear God Jean Luc get me out of here."_

Picard's jaw tightened. He swung his head back towards Ensign B-4 who was speeding through the sensory readings.

On the screen in front of him Will Riker stood on his own bridge.

_"I finally got a message to Hansen. The Northwestern's sensors and blown. Transporters are out. Large number of casualties. They really took a beating. Sig's trying to get her back on line." _Picard tried to look concerned. _"They've got nothing on Beverly except a faint trace of her on the far north side of the Hospital right before it was attacked."_

_"_Thank you Captain Riker." Picard choked out the words. "B-4 condense your search to the area for mentioned. Geordi how are the transporters doing?"

"We're on line Sir, but I'm not sure for how long."

"Let's hope it's long enough." Picard moaned stomping up the deck to the lift. "Mr. Gibson, you have the Enterprise." The doors of the lift closed before Sam even had a chance to argue.

"Yes sir." He muttered absently.

_….._

_"Dear God Jean Luc get me out of here."_

The panicked sound of her voice repeated it's self in his ears and he had Geordi plant him as close to the edge of the nearest dead zone to her last location. She should be here. As long as she had her wits about her and was headed in the right direction she'd be here. If she was alright. He held the tricorder up in front of him and scanned the rocky landscape for some sign of something. Frowning when there was nothing.

He moved slowly towards a heavily shrouded area. She would know to hide. She was trained for this. He tried to remember that, but all he could remember was her pink rimmed swollen eyes and the feel of her tight abdomen under his palm.

….

* * *

_"He went alone?" _Will Riker was so loud Worf was pretty sure that hailing frequencies could have been closed and they would have heard the Titian's captain from outside the hull.

"He said a team was to risky. . He wanted Worf here incase we were fired upon. I convinced him to take a security officer with him but we were only able to get one signal though, we were lucky to get our security officer back at all." Geordi explained, shaking his head.

_"Do you have a lock on him now?" _Will's blood pressure had to be sky high.

"No Captain. Not after he entered the dead zone." Riker's eyes drifted shut.

He opened them again and stared into the face of Sam Gibson with disgust.

_"Keep me posted Commander." _He growled as the screen blinked off.

"Find him." Gibson yelled in LaForge's direction. "Then figure out how to get a team down there."

"Brilliant Commander." Geordi grumbled making his way back up to B-4 and the sensor sweep.

* * *

He followed the faint life sign reading on his dysfunctional tricorder into a small cavern.

The sound of frightened heavy breathing echoed off the walls. He could see something scurry along the wall in the darkness as he started in.

"Beverly?" He whispered, catching site of her face before it disappeared back into the shadow.

"Jean Luc?" Her voice was panicked and high, she made no move to come out of the darkness.

"Beverly are you alright?" He rushed towards her as she slid down the rock face with a cry.

"I fell." She sobbed breathlessly.

"Are you hurt?" He ran his hands across her arms and shoulders, before letting his hand rest on her bare knees'

"Jean Luc the baby." She fumbled for the tricorder, turning it quickly on herself as he continued to move his arms carefully over each appendage. Her right ankle was clearly swollen. She winced when he touched it.

"Is it broken?" He asked softly.

"I don't know." She muttered quickly, before moaning in pain. "Jean Luc.."

"What?" He put his hands back on her knee's.

"We have to hurry."

"The baby." He asked her taking the tricorder in his own hands.

"It's coming." She pleaded. "After I fell.. Membranes' ruptured…" she panted out a few more breaths. "I'm four centimeters. We need to get back to the ship. Now."

"Your foot." He stood up quickly, extending his hands to her.

"Can you stand on it?" He asked her dubiously as she gingerly wobbled to her feet.

"Looks like I have too." She breathed gritting her teeth and pulling herself all the way up with a groan.

He wrapped his arm around her waist, stretching her own across his shoulders and started towards the mouth of the cave. He winced at the soft whimper that came from her with each step.

"We have to stay close to the rock face. If we don't we're too exposed." He explained. She nodded, taking a few more steps before her body seized against his. "What?"

"Contraction." She grunted. Pressing her back against the side of the rock. He looked at her helplessly as she closed her eyes tightly against the pain, while one hand gripped his uniform at the shoulder, twisting the fabric there in her grasp.

"We have to get you back to the Enterprise."

He waited her out until her eyes would open and she would start moving again. This was the painstaking pace of five minutes of walking two minutes of waiting out a contraction, until they made it to his beam in location. He eased her down on a small bench outside a small abandoned farm house.

"Picard to Enterprise." His attempt at a whisper was louder than he expected. No one answered. "Enterprise come in!" He demanded that time, refusing to whisper.

"Ahh! Hummmm." He turned quickly as she clutched at her abdomen. "Jean Luc they're getting stronger." She moaned, reaching blindly towards him. He took one of her hands and she squeezed it firmly. "Tricorder!" She cried as he pressed it into her hands. She took a couple of quick breaths before turning it on her self and moaning. "We have to get back to the ship." She looked at him now, with her pain filled eyes. "Please Jean Luc..We have to.." The sound of distant phaser fire jolted them both out of the moment. His arms clamped quickly around her as he hurried her into the abandoned home. He sat her in a chair at the large wooden table and moved quickly back to the door bolting it shut.

"Picard to Enterprise." He repeated half heartedly, backing away from the door. He pulled his phaser from his bag and set it on the table next to her. She again tried to scan herself with the tricorder.

"I'm.. " She squinted at the screen. "7 ½ Progressing quickly. We need to get back.." She let her arm drop, her medical device clattering to the floor as she shook her head back and forth. "I cant do this here."

"We'll get back." He said softly, kneeling before her and picking up the tricoder He set it beside the phaser, rubbing his hands down her arms.

"Oh! Jean Luc!" She cried, as she bent inward with the next contraction. He pressed his hands against her shoulders to keep her from falling out of the chair completely.

"It's going to be alright." He promised, glancing up towards the ceiling and praying for a response from the sky above. "

* * *

…

"We've got them Comander!" Geordi yelled from the upper deck.

"Transporter room three report!" Gibson yelled.

_"Medical Emergency transporter room three!" _Came the overly calm reply. Gibson and LaForge exchanged quick glances before hurrying off the bridge.

"Worf contact Riker and give him the update." Sam yelled as the doors clamped shut.

"Selar." Beverly Crusher cried, seeing her old friend rush into the transporter room, medical team in tow. "I was 71/2 at last check.. Fully effaced and at.. OOOh.. Minus.. "

"I'll take it from here Dr. Crusher." Came the Vulcan's calm reply as the Captain lifted her onto the stretcher and attempted to keep up on the way to Sickbay. Beverly continued to give her medical history through contractions.

"Membranes ruptured approximately four hours ago.." Her voice was airy, as the team eased her into the birthing room. "They were.. Hummmm…" She reached her arm back to Picard who wrapped his hand around hers tightly.

"Beverly. All I need you to do right now is push." Selar told her firmly. "Good Beverly just like that."

The Vulcan's calm words did nothing for Jean Luc Picard who realized in three short weeks his life had changed forever. He braced himself as Beverly pushed again, his eyes falling on the back of a very bald head. He watched as it turned to reveal a perfect baby face. Selar's hands lifted up slightly.

"There we go." She said quietly, like it was an every day occurrence and not the most amazing thing that he had ever witnessed. "It's a boy Captain." She told her Commanding Officer, before laying the baby in Beverly's arms. "A healthy baby boy."

His mouth slipped open as Beverly started to laugh. Her eyes switching from him to the baby and back.

"Look at him." She smiled. "Look at him Jean Luc."

She didn't have to tell him. He suddenly found it impossible to look at anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N This is the other retroactive chapter. It explains what happened to Deanna at Caladra.

…

****

USS Enterprise  
In orbit of Caladra Five  
Western Hemisphere  
Diplomatic Mission

"So." Will Riker looked at his mentor with a stiff sigh. Wincing at the high pitched squeals coming from the room behind them. "How are things?"

"With Jack?"

"With Beverly." The former first officer managed with a smirk.

"I'd rather discuss Jack." Picard sighed.

"That good?" Will's voice lifted at the end.

"I'm trying not to press the issue." Riker's eyes widened.

"Press it!" He quipped., Picard gave him a curious look. "Deanna opened the door this much.." He raised his fingers a few spaces apart. "I went to her office and knocked the thing off it's hinges."

The large man's arm swung in explanation before his wide blue eyes nodded in his direction. "Go big."

"Will come hold the baby!" His wife called. He gave Picard another nod before lumbering over to the sofa where the women had converged on Beverly and Jack Robert Picard.

…..

Baby Picard was not the only new addition that the former crew of the Enterprise was marveling at.

"Geordi he's amazing." Beverly Crusher whispered softly, was he watched B-4 accept the Captain's offer to hold the infant. His arms stuck out awkwardly as Jean Luc gently lowered Jack into them. "I can't believe how far he's come in such a short time. An Ensign?"

"I practically had to sell my soul to get him that." He shook his head. "It was important to me, that Fleet see him as an individual and not a piece of equipment." He looked at the android like he was his own child. "When he started to adapt, to interface more with Data's programs. It was.. Startling."

"He has all of his memories?"

"Everything up to the interface." Worf nodded quietly joining the conversation. She shook her head.

"He's still so different."

"He's not Data." Geordi reminded her. "It was a frustrating thing to have to figure out. The more we realized that, the more I altered him physically."

Crusher looked at the android. Taking in his lighter gold completion. It wasn't quiet as yellow as Data had been. His eyes were a deep lavender, making him appear more alien than android, the biggest change however was the short dark spikes of hair erupting from his head.

"He has all Data's memories, experiences and knowledge, but he's not Data." Beverly's wonder was apparent.

"He is Trill." Worf said quickly, swinging his eyes to the doctor for understanding. "The symbiot, the information, experiences and relationships.. changes based on the interpretations of the host. "

Beverly immediately felt for the Klingon's loss. Her eyes drifted back to Jean Luc, who still stood encouragingly smiling at B-4.

"It's still nice." Geordi admitted slowly. "Like having a piece of him here with us."

She looked at her son, laid so gingerly in mechanical arms and nodded.

….

****

Guest quarters  
Deck 8  
USS Enterprise

"I'm really not sure he should press her." Deanna whispered to her husband.

"Yes he should." Will told her decisively, watching his wife rub lotion into her arms. "You could feel her in there! She's waiting for him to do something!"

"She's waiting for the other shoe to drop." Deanna sighed. "Beverly's experienced a lot of loss in her life Will, she's usually waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"So let it drop." Will said softly, reaching out and taking the lotion from her. He collected it in his own hands and started on her legs.

"She might run again."

"She wouldn't." He sounded almost offended. "She wouldn't take the baby from him. Not now."

"I hope not." Deanna sighed, leaning back to let will rub her feet. "She's very unpredictable Will."

"She wants to be sure." He told her, pressing his thumbs into the sole of her foot. "To hard?"

"No." She breathed, he waited until her thoughts and words were one before continuing.

"Like I was saying she wants to be sure. Everyone in a situation like that just wants to be sure." He shook his head. "Didn't you?"

"Yes." She had already answered in her mind before she muttered the word.

"Doubt is well.. Habitual." His eyebrows arched. "Think about it. Why do we still speak out loud? We're alone, there's no logical reason." She smiled at him. "It's just what we do. What we've always done."

_What we're used to_? She teased.

"Exactly. Habitual." His hands stilled against her ankle.

"You don't think a baby is enough of a change for them?"

"I don't know." He said gently. "I'm just a Captain, not a psychologist."

A wide grin broke out on her face.

"Well, while we're here I'll have to enquire if the Enterprise has a psychologist."

…

****

Guest quarters  
Deck 5  
USS Enterprise

"He's asleep?" Beverly whispered as Jean Luc made his way back into the main room of the guest quarters.

"Yes. Finally." Picard blew out a long breath, dropping the bottle back into the replicator,. "He's stubborn." He looked a the woman longingly. "Howard trait."

"Yes because Picard's are extremely flexible." She countered. He looked for an inch, for anything. She only starred at him.

"Beverly.." He began, his face serious.

"Jean Luc, things are nice right now. Please don't change that." She pleaded quietly.

"Is _nice_ enough? Is _nice_ what you want?" He leaned forward shaking his head at her.

"Please.."

"What happens when Caladra is not the federations focus anymore? When something else happens, when our mission is completed and the Enterprise is diverted somewhere else? What happens then? What will you do then?"

"I don't know." She snapped.

"Will you take him? Return to Earth and leave me here?" He shook his head in desperation.

"Jean Luc." The tears came to her eyes quicker then she could wipe them away. "Please I need you to patient with me."

"Patient.." He snorted. "Patient. I learned about my child from an Caladran field doctor two weeks before his birth. I almost had to deliver him myself for God's sake! Still no explanation!"

He stopped, taking a few quick breaths.

"_Patient." _He repeated softly before turning towards the door and leaving sobbing her to herself.

….

****

Caladra Four  
Newly reclaimed  
Mobil Hospital

"I'm sorry." Deanna whispered softly as they made their way across the courtyard.

"I won't be forced into making this kind of decision. "

"Are you sure that's what he was trying to do?" Deanna asked helpfully.

"Don't you start." Beverly warned.

"It must be very confusing for him."

"He's got a very quick wit. I'm sure he's going to be just fine." She countered, watching as Deanna twisted her back again in discomfort. "Your back?"

"I'm only 16 weeks. I didn't think it would be starting this soon." Deanna smiled.

"You want something?" She patted her case. "It's a lot of walking today."

"You have something safe?"

"Of course. I nearly ran out during my pregnancy but I managed to restock." Beverly grinned, pulling a mild muscle relaxant and injecting it into her friends lower back. "It'll help soon."

"Thank you." Deanna Riker looked up at the building beside her. "This is my stop."

"I'll see you at lunch?" Beverly called as she continued walking.

"Think about what I said about the Captain!" Deanna called before moving towards the check in desk.

….

"Where is everyone?" Beverly announced as she dropped herself onto the lunch table.

"The negotiations have broken down yet again." Deanna grimaced. "I thought I was going to be eating alone."

"No, I just was checking in with Alyssa to see how Jack was doing. Your back isn't any better?"

"Worse." Deanna groaned. "I think I'm going to hate being pregnant."

Beverly opened her tricorder.

"You must have pulled a muscle." She shook her head. "I can give you something for the pain."

"Please." Deanna moaned. Beverly rummaged around until she found what she wanted. Deanna closed her eyes at the hiss.

"_Riker to Dr Crusher_." Deanna's eyes widened at her husband's voice. " _Report to Diplomatic Headquarters immediately! Medical Emergency_!"

Beverly clamored to her feet automatically.

"It's Captain Picard." Deanna told her with all certainty, her face paling as she saw what her husband was currently seeing. "Hurry."

…...

"I don't know where the hell it came from." Will shouted, helping her over the rubble that remained of the room they'd been standing it. He dropped to where Worf was hastily providing the first aid he knew. He pulled back when he saw her approaching.

"He is in and out of consciousness." The Klingon reported.

"Jean Luc.." She whispered softly, tracing her fingertips across his soot covered face.

"Beverly…" His voice was faint, she watched his eyes roll in an attempt to focus on her face.

"It doesn't appear to be an airborne biological weapon." Worf growled looking at his tricorder.

"Well it was something." Will grumbled. "Those wounds didn't come from the blast."

"We need to get him to the Enterprise and in a decontamination bay now." Beverly yelled, her fingers still caressing his cheek. He leaned into her.

"Beverly." His eyes finally made contact with hers and she choked back a sob, splaying her fingers across his cheek.

"You're going to be alright." She told him with absolutely no certainty. "We have to get him to a beam up point." She shook her head waiting for Riker to start shouting orders. She turned back towards him. His face was blank, she watched the fear creep onto it. "Will?"

"Deanna's in trouble." He breathed.

"Go! I'll meet you on the Enterprise." She yelled at him before whiping her head back around to Worf. "Help me."

Worf quickly lifted Picard into his arms and followed Beverly Crusher through the growing crowd.

…..

The masses in the Enterprise's Sickbay were surrounding it's Captain when Will Riker carried his wife through the doors.

"Report." Dr. Selar said insistently as the small team she had waiting converged on them.

"Her back was bothering her." The woman nodded.

"Dr. Crusher provided standard treatments." The Vulcan doctor looked at the readings on the bio-bed. "She's contracting."

"What?" Will hissed, looking from Deanna to the doctor.

"It's alright Captain we can stop it." Will relaxed a little, turning his attention towards Deanna.

"Selar's going to help you." He soothed, moving his hand up and down her back.

"The Captain?" She whimpered.

"Beverly's taking care of it." He looked at Selar. "How is he?"

"Not good Sir." The Vulcan answered with her usual honesty before injecting Deanna. She gestured to a nurse before moving back to Picard's room. Will breathed heavily, his hands still skimming Deanna's arm. She winced in pain.

"That hurt?" He bent over her.

"Everything hurts." She breathed, he looked worriedly at the nurse.

* * *

"Again." Beverly demanded as her former medical staff worked feverishly over Picard. "It's working. Hold on Jean Luc we're almost there." She soothed as his head rolled from side to side. "I want 5 more cc's." She dropped her face back down to his as Selar did what she'd asked. "Almost done." He turned his face to hers, pressing his forehead into the soft skin of her chin. She let her eyes closed. "Hold on for me."

His arm lifted to her elbow as she watched the readings slowly drop to normal levels. The medical team dispersed and she ran her hands along the sides of his face as he calmed.

"Dr Selar, Counselor Riker's contractions are not decreasing." The nurse hurried back out of the room.

"She's contracting?" Beverly asked in alarm.

"She shouldn't still be." Selar announced with a shake of her head as Beverly pulled herself away from Jean Luc and started into the other room.

"The fetus' stats are strong and normal." Selar reported as Beverly came to the opposite side of the biobed as Riker.

"Beverly.." Deanna cried. "Don't let me loose my baby."

"Her nerve responses are off the charts." Beverly shook her head.

"Preparing blockers." Selar fell easily into her place at Beverly's side.

"BEVERLY." Deanna pleaded with her as the pain set off sparks behind her eyes.

"Selar's going to give you-."

"I already have Doctor." Came the grim reply. The two doctors exchanged glances.

"Deanna? The pain's the same?" She asked. The other woman made no attempt to answer just screamed in pain.

"Worse." Riker grunted, his fingers tightening into a white ball. "She can't take this."

"Sedation?" Crusher asked her companion helplessly.

"It's illogical to think it will have any impact." Selar shook her head. Beverly looked up at Will.

"Stay with her." She tugged Selar into the alcove. "Think. Is this bioweaponry? Something from Caladra?"

"More than likely a reaction to one or more of the medications."

"Deanna's never had any allergies before."

"There is something." The Vulcan's eyebrow crinkled. "A condition I read about once in a medical history journal. I am unable to remember much more then the fact it was devastating to both infant and mother."

"Beverly!" Will called quickly and both women returned.

A primal scream erupted from Deanna's mouth as her shoulders arched off of the bed.

"She's pushing." Beverly's fear was not unnoticed. "Deanna don't push!"

Selar began shouting commands at the staff around her.

"She can't help it." Riker yelled back, his eyes leaving his wife just long enough to see the equipment pour into the room.

"The fetus is crowning." Selar announced as Deanna pushed again before collapsing back against the bed, her eyes rolling back as she slid into unconsciousness. Will looked quickly at the bio-readings before his eyes feel on Beverly Crusher who stood frozen with a lifeless baby in her arms.

It was Selar who grabbed the limp child hurried to the other corner of the room.

"Beverly?" Will asked slowly, his breathing slowing almost to a halt.

"It's a girl."

* * *

He blinked up at the ceiling, the room slowly coming into view.

"Beverly?" His throat was dry and sore but he was rewarded immediately by the sound of a rolling chair scooting across the room to him.

"Jean Luc?" She was then looming above him. Her hand stroking the sides of his face. She looked lost, her eyes rimmed once again. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." He blinked.

"Me too." She smiled softly. "Tired of Caladra."

"Yes. That too."He swallowed again, taking her hand from his face and holding it tightly. "Will and Worf?"

"Both fine.. " His eyes drifted back shut.

"Good.." He whispered, drifting off.

"I love you." She told him. His eyebrow arched. "Jean Luc? Did you hear me?"

"I did." He breathed, his eyebrows lifting over his closed eyes.

"Okay." She smiled, pressing her lips gently against his.

"Love you.."

"Okay."

* * *

"She's simply not responding to any type of conventional treatment." Beverly explained softly, watching the Riker's stare at the tiny baby in the artificial womb before them. Our only choice at this point was to circulate her oxygen externally like lungs would. Her neuro-pathways are not completely formed. We expect some will continue to develop, others will not."

"What does all that mean?" Will asked. His eyes never moving.

"It means she may never breath on her own, she may never walk, or speak. She will almost certainly be mentally impaired. " Deanna's face broke as she began to cry softly, her hand tracing the outline of the artifical womb. "She will be medically fragile, more likely to become ill. More likely to have complications from treatable illnesses. She is resistant to most medications."

"Why?" Deanna asked, her eyes shining with tears as she looked at her friend. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Beverly said firmly, her own eyes filling. "It was me."

"What?" Riker asked softly.

"When I gave Deanna the medication on Caladra.."

"You said it was safe.." Deanna shook her head. Beverly swallowed hard.

"In normal circumstances, it is routine." Selar interjected. "But in this case.. Have either of you heard of Fibronatal Induction?"

Riker shook his head for both of them.

"It's a fairly rare and long dormant Betaziod illness. The body's immune system reacts improperly to the pregnancy. When a antecedent , like a muscle relaxant, is introduced, the body will fight to reverse the effects, that's what caused the preterm labor."

Will nodded, skimming his hands slowly over Deanna's back, he watched their daughter.

"So this, transferred.. From Deanna to the baby?" He sighed. "It won't effect her.."

Beverly's quick movement caught his attention. She bit down hard on her lip.

"Dr. Crusher." Will asked sharply, Beverly looked to Selar. "Beverly." He hissed, his tone demanding her to answer.

"As long as she never becomes pregnant again." Beverly told him bravely.

Deanna's mouth slipped open as a fresh batch of tears came to her eyes. She covered her face with her hand and started to cry out loud again.

* * *

"Selar should be CMO." Beverly railed as the doors of the guest quarters swished shut behind her.

Picard pressed his finger to his lips, setting down his book and glancing at the baby in the bassinet beside his chair. He stood slowly waving away her offer of help before taking her outstretched hand gently in his leading her into the bedroom.

"Quitting again so soon?" He asked, pulling her against him.

"You should have seen their faces." She breathed in the scent of him as he rocked her slowly back and fourth. "I could barely speak. Selar and Will did most of the talking. Deanna just sobbed. The poor thing.. She's not even a baby, she's still a fetus Jean Luc she makes Jack look like a giant! I did this to her." Beverly wailed, Picard held her still against him. "I did-."

"You didn't know."

"I should have." She sobbed. "It's my job to."

"Oh Beverly." He kissed her brow.

"Selar should be CMO." She restated.

"Beverly I promise you this too shall pass." He readjusted until his arms wrapped solidly around her softly swaying her back and fourth.

…..

"Will?" The dim lights of Sickbay made it hard for Riker to find the source of the Captian's call.

"Sir?" Picard moved forward into the light . Will sat eerily still on a bench against the wall, Deanna's head resting in his lap, her body still quivering with tears as she slept. Riker himself had resettled his gaze to the patient.

Picard stood beside him.

"I've talked to Commander Vale. The Titian is on her way back here. They'll be transporting you to Betazed."

Will nodded

"Beverly's called in every favor she has in the galaxy. I'm sure Lwaxana has too. They're probably already set in motion." Will nodded again, solemnly his eyes still unmoving.

"How's Beverly?" Riker asked, his voice soft.

"She cried herself to sleep."

"Deanna too." Will inhaled sharply, trying to compose himself. "I wasn't prepared." Picard almost started coming to the man's defense before Riker finished the thought. "I wasn't prepared for how much I would love her." Picard's heart stopped at the catch in Will Riker's voice. "I'd do anything.." Will rasped. "I'd reorganize the universe if it would help her."

Jean Luc, set his hand on Will Riker's shoulder as the man started to sob.


	8. Chapter 8

**Back to regular time line.**

"Keep your chin up." Will Riker commented helping his young opponent remove his battle gear. He hadn't had the chance to do this in a long time. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed it until young Jack Picard knocked him on his butt. "You're much better then the last time we played."

"I've practiced." The boy countered raising his eyebrow at the older man. "Next time I'll beat you."

"Jack. I hate to break it to you., but I am an old man." He took slow breath. "You almost beat me this time."

"Liar!" The boy scoffed, a small hint of his fathers Earthly accent tapping the word.

"Seriously." Will scrubbed his hand over the boys hair watching as he tugged at his Tunic with a grin.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Nothing." Will sat on the bench,." You just look more and more like your father every time I see you."

Jack smiled before dropping his head to his chest

"Are we going to talk about it?" Jack asked slowly. "I mean that's why we're hanging out today right? To talk about my father?"

"Hey," Will called lightly, cupping his fingers under the boys chin. "We're here because we haven't done this in a while." The boy's eyes shone back at him. "If you want to talk about your Dad, we can."

"I don't really know what to say." Will nodded slowly as Jack spoke. "He's mostly the same. I mean, him not being Captain anymore? That's weird. Otherwise, he's the same."

"But?" Will whispered, sensing they boy's hesitation.

"He gets confused. It's no big deal.. But Mom.." Jack left it there and Riker understood.

"She' going through a lot." He agreed.

"She doesn't tease him anymore." The child's shoulders shrugged. "You know.. How she does that all the time?" Will nodded. "Well now she doesn't. He tries to bate her.. Gives her the most perfect openings!" Jack grinned. "Mom just smiles real fake or pretends like she's listening when she's not."

Riker pulled a chair from the side of the room and sat in front of his God son.

"I'm not sure us being here helps."

"It helps me." Jack raised an eyebrow. "And it helps Father. It would help even more if you'd stop by now and again, Number One."

"Well then Admiral.." Will tried to keep the humor from his voice. "I'll have to be sure I do."

"Computer: time?" Will watched Jack listen to the reply, tilting his head to the side. So much like his father. "I told Lizzie we'd go for ice cream after her treatment." Will nodded pressing his lips together and smoothing the boy's damp hair.

"I'll see you later." He whispered as the boy called for the arch and started off towards Sickbay. Riker sighed. "Computer end program."

He made his way back towards his quarters and into the shower. His mind drifted to Beverly and the lines around her fierce green eyes.

_Should I be upset that you're thinking about Beverly in the shower?_

_No. _The smile stretched across his lips. _Wanna join me?_

_Sure. I've always liked her long legs myself. _

"Deanna!" Riker shouted, pushing back the door to the shower.

"Jack looked like he had a good time." He looked at her teasing smile. "He could barely contain himself when he told Lizzie he nearly beat you."

"Nearly." He reminded, closing the door and finishing his shower.

"Beverly smiled." Deanna whispered, as Will wrapped a towel around himself. She felt the sting of her husbands guilt. "Don't you start! She's guilty enough for all of us!"

His mouth screwed into a sad smile before he pressed his lips to the bare skin near her clavicle.

"You look beautiful." He told her, leaning against the sink.

She ran her hand slowly over the curve of her stomach.

"Someone's giving me a break."

"Sleeping?"

"Dreaming. Listen.." She ran her fingers across his cheek, watching Will's eyes squint just a little. She smiled as the look of awe came to them.

"It's really going to happen this time.." He breathed, letting his hand glide gently over her uniform top. "Soon."

Deanna let the grin fall off her face when her husbands emotions turned surprisingly carnal. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks.

"Sorry." He whispered huskily.

"It's been a long time." She agreed, taking a step back as his hand slipped away.

"Deanna I'm sorry.." He sighed as she made her way out of the bathroom.

"Don't be sorry. I want my husband to want me."

He frowned following her into the living room.

"I thought we were leaving the guilt to Beverly?" He reminded, running his hand softly through her hair. "I can hold out a little longer you know."

If he hadn't spent the last ten years filtering the rational from the irrational of his wife's emotions he might have been offended by her burst of fear that he'd take his desire somewhere else. He knew the next wave of emotions from her would be her implicit trust and she didn't disappoint.

He joined her on the sofa, waiting for the intensity of their emotions to subside.

"Jack's worried about his mom." Will whispered.

"I am too." Deanna said flatly.

"Maybe you should pay her a visit?"

"I just did." She evaded.

"A personal visit."

"Will.."

"Deanna you can't avoid her forever."

"I'm not avoiding her." She argued weakly.

"I'm not saying I don't understand." He continued, ignoring her protest. "I'm just saying that she needs a friend."

"I.." She took a slow breath. "you know how many times I have tried to tell Beverly that she's not to blame.."

"So skip that."

"I make her uncomfortable." Deanna shook her head. "Will I really don't think it's a good idea. Maybe after the baby.."

They both fell silently back into thought until Will's face lit up.

"Then do the next best thing." He raised an eyebrow, as Deanna mirrored his smile.

* * *

…

"Good Lord Deanna you got so fat." Jean Luc Picard grinned widely.

"Flatterer." Deanna grinned lowering herself carefully into the empty chair at his table. Guinan wordlessly lowered a glass of ice

water in front of her.

"You look ravishing." He whispered.

"Thank you."

"You're here to talk about my wife?"

"Captain I was unaware that you had developed telepathic abilities while I was gone."

"What I have developed while you were gone, is a pretty intuitive child."

"So I hear."

"He told me that he'd talked to Will, about his mother." Picard rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I was hoping that she'd talk to you."

"No." Deanna looked down for a second, then lifted the glass of water to her lips. "Beverly and I have done very well through subspace. But I'm afraid face to face.." She looked down again, stroking her hands across her bump. "Maybe in eight weeks?"

"So you've come to ask me?"

"I was hoping she was talking to you." Deanna answered.

"She talks to me almost constantly and almost entirely free of actual content." He sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as I am." He sighed. "Deanna I've done this before." He rubbed his head. "Or at least I've had a glimpse of what it was like when this was done before."

Explaining events experienced during time travel was always a tricky conversation.

"She was the same before?"

"Yes."

"What did you do before?"

"I divorced her." His eyebrow rose as Deanna's mouth slipped open. He took a long gulp of his drink. "I thought it would spare her."

"Captain.." Deanna whispered, Picard leaned forward and put his hand ever so gently on top of hers.

"Don't worry Counselor, it didn't work out well the last time and I don't intend to do it again." He lifted his fingers, looking up as the current ships counselor made her way towards them.

"Am I interrupting?" She sighed.

"Judith, No of course not." Deanna whispered, pointing to the chair beside her.

"How are you doing Deanna?"

"I'm hanging on." She answered honestly.

"I spoke with Captain Vale today. She's looking forward to my arrival. Apparently your temporary replacement isn't working out."

"That's what I hear." Deanna shook her head. "I just don't think she was able to adapt to the crew."

"Well I've been reading up on several of the species, I can see how it would be a challenging environment."

"You know I'd love to talk to you about it."

"That would be wonderful." Judith watched the other woman shift slightly. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll be fine." Deanna nodded, taking a deep breath.

"When would you like to meet?"

"I'm free now." Deanna smiled. "I could go check on Lizzie and meet you in your office?"

"That works." She smiled softly, looking at Picard. "It was good to see you."

"You as well." He looked at Deanna. "I'll talk to her Deanna. I told Will I would."

"Good luck." She said softly, pulling herself to her feet. Pausing for a few seconds to regain her composer. Judith and Picard pretended not to notice and she was grateful.

* * *

In their quarters Will Riker's hands shook as he opened the case, pressing the hypo into the injector and then into his neck sighing at the hiss.

The doors and his eyes slipped open at the same time. He looked at his wife. Their gazes locked.

"Better?" He sighed. She nodded crossing the room and pressing her hand into his chest. His chin dropped to her head and he pressed his lips to her hairline. "Go meet with Judith. I'm just going to rest a while before my meeting with Worf."

She lifted her head and he smiled weakly wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I love you." Deanna mumbled.

"I know." He said softly, pulling away and lowering himself to the bed with a groan. She pressed her lips together tightly and he winced. "Sweetheart, please try to relax."

"I'm sorry." She kissed his forehead before gathering her things and leaving him to sleep.

* * *

"Jean Luc?" Beverly shot through the door like Worf had shot her out of the torpedo bay. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He told her with a sigh, setting down the plate he was holding.

"Nothing?" She fumbled with her tricorder until he pulled it from her hands and dropped it on the sofa. He titled up her chin and pressed his lips to hers. She looked stunned when they pulled apart. He watched the worry and confusion slip back onto her face. "Alyssa said you needed me to come home.."

"For dinner." Jean Luc gestured to the table.

"Dinner?" She shook her head as he pulled on the sleeve of her lab coat until it slipped off. He set it on the back of a chair.

"Beverly, tell me about the medication I'm on."

"Is there a problem with-?"

"What do they do?" He asked, leading her to the table and pulling out her seat as she dropped into it.

"They help lessen the symptoms of-." She shook her red head, her long fingers sliding down the side of his cheeks.

"Lessen. So I'm not fit to say, refit the warp coil." He pulled away, settling across from her.

"You couldn't do that before." She raised an eyebrow.

"Details." He told her quickly, pouring her a glass of wine. "What about watching Sienna? Is that still something I can do?"

"Jean Luc you know that -."

"Giving Will advice? Because I did that earlier and now I'm worried that it was beyond my capabilities." His voice was calm and soothing despite the content. Her eyes narrowed over her nose in confusion. "What about my wife?"

"What about her?" Beverly continued to stare at him.

"Lets say she was going through a difficult time and needed me to help her talk through it." He swallowed, lifting his eyebrows. "Using your medical judgment, would you think that's something I could still do, Doctor?"

"Jean Luc." Her lips parted, her eyes dropping to the table. He slid his hand across the table and covered hers.

"Your son misses our banter and so do I." He pressed his hand firmer against hers. "Beverly?"

"I'm driving you crazy." The tears were flowing freely now. He gathered her fingers up and pressed them to his mouth as he stood.

"I haven't lost it yet." He smiled pulling her to her feet. "If the past view of the future is any indication, I can remain relatively intact for quite a while longer."

"I'm so sorry, my darling." She sniffed, dropping her face to his shoulder. He kissed her cheek, slowly swaying her body back and fourth. "So sorry."

"No more guilt." He whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

"Fleet wants my answer on Gibson." Will dropped the drink in front of his old friend before settling into his own chair.

"I'm not sure what that has to do with me." Worf's voice rumbled over the prune juice.

"I need advice." The Captain shook his head like it was obvious.

"Sir.." Worf grunted in discomfort before meeting Riker's eyes. "I _advise_ you to ask someone else."

"I'm asking you Commander!" Will raised his eyebrows and put on his best Captain voice.

"LaForge does not like him."

"I know." Will sighed. "I don't know why though."

"Gibson is whiney."

"Whiney?"

"He wishes to… fit in." Worf spit the words out like they tasted bad.

"He tries to hard?"

"Wesley Crusher tried too hard.. Gibson… is whiney."

"Takes it personally." Will nodded to himself.

"He pouts." The Klingon growled.

"That's conduct unbecoming an officer." Will muttered.

"What did Picard say?"

"Not much. Just that he was a different kind of Number One than I was."

"Ha!" Worf snorted. "Commander Gibson is no Commander Riker."

"So you wouldn't keep him?" Will deduced, running his thumb over the rim of his glass.

"I didn't say that." Worf mumbled into his juice.

"What?" He couldn't help but grin.

"One thing that Gibson always provided was a differing opinion." He sighed. "On more than one occasion that has saved our lives."

* * *

Jack Robert Picard sat grinning over his Jalaran eggs as his parents snipped at each other over Sam Gibson and whether or not he should stay on as Will's Number one.

"Sam's familiar with the ship." Beverly pointed out. "No one on board is ready for the promotion and breaking in someone new would take forever."

"Will knows this ship like the back of his hand! And Deanna will be working closely with whomever he chooses." Picard announced.

"It would do Gibson some good to work under someone a little less.."

"Yes?" Picard raised his eyebrow at his wife. "A little less? Do continue Doctor."

"Oh just forget it. It's Will's problem not ours."

"No! Do go on. I want to know what my former CMO thinks I am a little more of then Will Riker!"

"I thought you said you taught Will everything he knows Father?" Jack supplied helpfully.

"I did!" Picard said, spinning towards him. "He's the son I never had." The man winked at the smiling boy.

"But you have a son!" Sienna squealed.

"Yes." He narrowed his gaze at Jack. "But he's nothing like Will. Not hairy enough and much too short."

The door chimed and the Picard children clamored for there school bags and rushed out the door with their friends.

Jean-Luc swung around again, grabbing his wife and pulling her against him.

"I don't know about your former CMO.." She whispered softly. "But your wife can think of many things you're "more of" than Will Riker."

"Indeed.." He whispered back, bringing his lips to hers.

* * *

Will Riker hoped that it still looked like he was listening to the argument between his first officer and engineer.

In reality he couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing between his ears. His hands gripped the arms of his chair a little tighter as he fought the inevitable shaking that was about to start.

"Enough!" He yelled, his eyes smashing together against the throbbing. "Geordi.." Will's breath sucked in slowly. "..is in charge of the engines. Sam.." He waved his hand, trying to look dismissive.

"Sir, are you alright?" Geordi's alarmed voice cut through the haze for a second. He watched his engineer squint his hypersensitive eyes.

"Yes Commander, I'm just tired of mediating petty arguments between two of the most important members of my senior staff." He knew by the bewildered look on LaForge's face that he had failed to abate the man's worry. "You two are dismissed."

"Captain.." Geordi began.

"Dismissed Commander!" He would have stood if he didn't think he'd end up on the floor of his ready room. "And next time take your arguments to Counselor McKenna."

Gibson was already half way out the door when LaForge slowly spun on his heels and reluctantly left.

"Computer secure door!" Will gasped, reaching into his desk and trying to grab the hypo despite his shaking hands. He tried and failed again to reach out to Deanna over the link. "Riker to Riker."

The computer tone sounded but his wife didn't respond until after Will had sunk the medication into his skin. He leaned forward, pressing his hands against the desk.

"_Will.." _Came her breathless reply.

"Are you alr-." He huffed out, trying to fill his lungs again.

_"I am now_." She sounded stronger than he felt. The soft hum of her mind in his. Will swallowed hard a few more times.

"You shouldn't be alone." He panted.

_I'm not alone. You're with me_.

"Deanna.." He pressed his palm into his aching head.

"_Who would I call_?" She whispered quietly.

"There has to be someone..." He tried to think of anyone.

"_There were people on the Titian_." She sighed remorsefully.

_Beverly_.

He hadn't meant to send it, but his concentration was still muddled by the pain.

"_Will.." _Her frustration nearly sent him to his knees.

"Can we do this later?" He snapped back.

The door chime nearly made his brain explode.

"_Picard to Captain_." Beverly's concerned voice pushed into the argument between himself and his wife. "_Captain are you alright_?"

"Damn it." He muttered to himself before grappling with the hypo. He shot himself again before letting it clatter to the drawer. "One moment, Doctor."

"_Will I'm coming in_!" Beverly's voice was urgent. "_Security-." _

"Come!" Will shouted above her call, pulling himself to his full height.

Beverly stood there with her mouth open, her eyes still fixated on the medical tricorder in her hand. Worf had come into view behind her, ready for any crisis that required a medical override of a locked door. Will's head sagged to his chest before sinking into his chair. Knowing full well what the scan showed.

"_Will, I'm on my way up there_." Deanna whispered. "_Riker out_."

"Come all the way in, Doctor. I'm sure you have questions."


	10. Chapter 10

"Just let me give you something to relax you."

"No." Deanna moved past Worf and into the Ready room.

"It won't do anything-."

"No." Will rubbed his face with his hand as his wife slipped onto the couch beside him. He took her hand in his.

"Right now your pulse is 198. Your blood pressure is sky high. You should be in Sickbay."

"He'll be fine in a few minutes Beverly."

"Deanna," Beverly shook her head, her mouth slipping open in irritated amazement. "The pain may be gone in a few minutes but judging by the amount of morphodexiren he injected he's not fine."

"Beverly.." Will whispered, his eyes still studying the floor.

"I don't understand why you'd keep a medical problem from me. Or why Dr. Ree would give you this type of medication without my knowledge. This is not for mild discomfort!"

"Beverly." Will repeated a little louder.

"My scans don't show anything that could possibly be the cause of any-."

"Dr. Picard!" Will's head yanked back up as he shouted out her title. Her frantic rambling stopped instantly.

"I'm the cause." Deanna told her softly. "He's taking the morphodexiren because I can't."

"I don't-." Her features stilled as it fell into place. "Telepathic anesthesia?"

The Riker's exchanged glances before Will met his CMO's fiery gaze.

"That's why you wouldn't take the cortical depressants… they would weaken the link." She turned her chin towards Deanna. "Do you know what a risk this is?"

The Counselor's gaze faltered slightly.

"This could cause damage to his heart, his brain…" Beverly shook her head frantically and Deanna swiped at a tear that made it's way down her cheek. "This drug is extremely addictive! Especially when it isn't being used correctly!"

"We knew the risks." Will's voice rasped. "We were willing to accept them."

"Well I'm not!" Beverly all but yelled. "I'm not willing to risk the Enterprise because her Captain has a drug problem!"

"That was out of line Dr." Will shouted back.

"Somehow I don't think Star Fleet would agree with that Captain!"

"Beverly!" Deanna gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"It puts the entire crew at risk." The red head whorled around to face her friend.

"This ship and it's crew were never at risk!" Will hissed. "I resent the implication that it was."

"It's not your call to make!" She shook her head. "It's mine."

"And mine." Came another voice.

The three occupants of the ready room turned towards the still open door. Sam Gibson moved past Worf and took a few steps in.

"Sam.." Beverly shook her head. "This is a medical issue-."

"It is." The first officer looked at his Captain for a moment before turning his eyes towards the Chief of Security. "It's also a security issue and a command issue."

"Commander.." Will began.

"Captain let me finish, please?" He asked, Riker nodded in response. "I don't see how it's any different than Captain Picard continuing his command while showing signs of a serious neurological disorder."

"Sam," Beverly's head shook indignantly.

"Several members of the Sr. staff have inquired to me about the Captain's health and in each case I asked if the suspected problem had in any way effected his ability to complete the tasks required of him. Not one person answered yes." He looked at Riker. "At that time I let them know that I believed the Captain would inform us of any relevant problems and until then his medical information was as confidential as our own."

"You're satisfied with this?" She looked at Worf.

"Yes Doctor." The Klingon reported stiffly.

"Well then." She shook her head. "I guess no one gives a damn what I think."

She gathered her supplies and tossed them back in the case and started towards the door.

"Beverly, please." Deanna's impassioned whisper stopped her in her tracks. "I just wanted a baby." She nearly sobbed. "A healthy child. We'd tried everything else! This was all we had left." Picard pressed her lips together as Gibson and Worf backed up and let the door hiss shut between the Riker's and Picard. "The risk for the baby if I continue with this pregnancy without Will's help is much greater than the risk to him."

"I can't condone this." Beverly implored her, her green eyes tight with remorse.

"We don't expect you too." Will said softly. "We accept that this is against medical advice-"

"Apparently not against the advice of whomever gave you the morphodexiren! "

"That's not fair." Will whispered harshly.

"I'm pretty sure that Dinosapian's take an oath to do no harm." She snapped back.

"You weren't there!" Deanna pressed her lips together. "You didn't have to go through six losses. Each one just a little bit closer.." Tears slipped down the Betazoid's cheeks. "I tried Beverly. I really did. Each time Dr. Ree would have another idea. Something to get us a little further. Meditation, hypnosis, bed rest, but each time the pain would be too much. I'd go into shock, or have seizures.." Will lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Six babies. I was already starting down the same path with this one. Then Will broke his ankle on an away mission."

"I was trying to assure her that I was alright. The second they gave me the hypo.." He shook his head. "I could feel her whole body relax.."

"That was four months ago." Deanna finished. " We promised the doctor that this would be our last attempt, if he'd let us try telepathic anesthesia. He consulted with physician's on Betazed and on Vulcan and finally he agreed."

"We never imagined that we would end up on the Enterprise." Riker promised.

"I should have been informed." Beverly shook her head.

"He told Selar." Will dropped his eyes from her. The three of them sat there for a moment in silence before Beverly stood and addressed her Captain.

"Unless you intend to make changes Captain, I am still Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise." She told him stiffly. "I should have been informed."

Will met her eyes.

"If you're feeling better I'd like to return to my quarters and consider my future on this ship. I think it may be time for you to do the same Captain."

"Beverly!" Will listened to the doors hiss shut as he called out after her.

Deanna's eyes seemed glued to the floor.

"We should have told her."

"No. We were right not to."

"Deanna she just threatened to leave the Enterprise!" He huffed.

"Maybe that's for the best." She whispered lifting her eyes to him.

"Deanna!" He shook his head.

"She'll never feel comfortable with the decisions we make with Lizzie." The Counselor folded her hands in her lap. "She'll never feel comfortable with-."

"Enough." He whispered harshly. "What ever personal problems you have to work out with Beverly are just that. Personal. They don't have anything to do with the Enterprise or what's best for it."

"You could sense her!" Deanna yelled back. "You could feel the resentment and insolence-."

"Yes and below that I could feel the hurt that she was using those to cover up." He added. "Why are you choosing to ignore that Counselor?"

"Why do you keep siding with her?"

"I'm not siding with anyon-." He dropped is chin to his chest. "Deanna I don't want to fight with you about this."

He waited for a moment as she focused on her shoes.

_Deanna.._

_Why can't she just understand, Will?_

He slipped back onto the couch beside his wife who immediately dropped her head on his shoulder. He linked his fingers with hers and waited.

_She's my best friend. Why can't she just understand?_

"Maybe if you'd talk to her?"

"Will."

"Deanna you have to do something or the Enterprise is going to loose it's CMO and you're going to loose Beverly." He leaned in to her and waited for the soft touch of her lips on his.

"I'll think about it." She caressed his face with her finger tips. "Are you alright?"

"Don't worry about me." He wrinkled his face at her, stretching his hand out with hers as she made her way to the door.

"Should I send Commander Gibson in?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Please do." He watched his wife leave with a sigh before muttering to himself. "At least I have one easy decision today."

* * *

Sam Gibson had the sinking suspicion he was about to get fired.

He watched as the Captain's wife smiled at him with sad eyes as he made his way back towards the Ready Room.

"Sir." He nodded at Riker. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright Commander." He assured. "No worse for ware."

"From what I've read telepathic anesthesia is quite taxing." He stated.

"It can be." Will agreed, exhaling slowly. "I want to thank you, for what you did."

"I told the truth, Sir."

"I still appreciate it." Riker rubbed his hand over his face. "Rumor has it that you're being considered for the Northwestern."

"Considered maybe, but chosen?" He grinned a little. "No, Sir. I don't think that Captain Hansen is anywhere near as ready to turn her over as he seems. And if he was, I'd say Anderson would be his first choice."

"Anderson's young.."

"But he's the guy." Gibson finished. "Besides Sir. I'd like to stay if you'll have me."

"You mind if I ask why?" Will asked softly.

"I'd like my five years, Sir." Gibson watched the look of confusion cross his commanding officers face. "Something Dr. Picard said. About your time under Picard and how she was sorry I wasn't going to get five more years."

A sad smile tugged at the Captain's lips.

"I'd like to serve them.." He swallowed hard. "under you, Sir."

"I trust you'll resolve things with Laforge?"

"We've made an appointment with Counselor McKenna." He smirked.

"Then I'll inform Starfleet that I will not be needing a new first officer."

"Thank you, Sir." He nodded, making his way back to the bridge.

"Your welcome,_ Number one_." He whispered to himself.


	11. Chapter 11

"Of all the irresponsible-!" She cursed again, her red hair spinning through the air as she turned. "How in the hell can I do my job on this ship if everyone's going to keep things from me?"

"You can't be serious." Jean Luc Picard watched his wife's face break into a sickening grin. It was one he knew well. It meant he'd said the wrong thing.

"Of course I'm serious!" She shouted. "Why would I stay here and serve under a Captain who has no regard for my skill as a-?"

"You know Will trusts you with his life!" Picard dismissed.

"Yes but not his secrets!"

"How many times do you thing that Star Fleet will let you leave and return?" Jean Luc raised an eyebrow at her. "If we leave Beverly, chances are we are not coming back."

"Why would I want to?"

"Perhaps it's not just you I'm thinking of?" He told her gently. "I have no desire to be anywhere else. This is the only home that our children have ever known. Their only family." Her face untwisted as she dropped onto the sofa. "I will eventually succumb to this disease, My Love. Do you really want to be isolated from all our friends?"

"Jean Luc, weren't you the one who just told me we have many years left?" She countered, he smiled. "You can't play it both ways."

"It's my illness and I'll play it how I wish." He teased before joining her on the couch. "This is not about Will not trusting you as a doctor. This is about you and Deanna. And it's time the two of you face it, head on."

"She's being completely irrational." Beverly sniffed. "This quest for another child has taken a heavy toll on her health, and now it's risking Will's as well."

"It's her decision Beverly." He told her. Untangling her hands from each other and placing them in his own. "She needs you as a friend. Not as a doctor."

"I am a Doctor, Jean Luc." She leaned her head forward until it was touching his.

"What if .." He sighed . "What if every time you spoke to her about my _predicament_ she disagreed with the psychology of it?"

"I'd value her opinion. Even if I didn't share it." She sniffed back tears. "I'd trust that she was only doing what she felt was best. I wouldn't distance myself from her. I wouldn't lie or hide things." Picard met his wife's lips with his own, she whimpered softly. "I just can't believe she'd dismiss me so easily Jean Luc. She's my closest friend."

"There is nothing easy about this situation Beverly." He sighed again.

"We should be drawing strength from each other. Instead we're drawing further and further apart."

"Talk to her." He pleaded. "Talk to Judith if you need to, but don't run from this." He kissed her again, cupping his hand against the back of her neck. "It's not worth it."

* * *

"So do I still have a CMO?" Will Riker asked carefully as Jean Luc Picard slipped into his quarters.

"For now." His former Captain told him.

"I'm sorry she found out the way she did."

"What you're doing? It's pretty stupid?" Picard asked.

Will's mouth broke into a long grin as he nodded.

"It's not the smartest thing I've ever done." He swallowed hard, pausing to order food from the replicator. "But it's working."

"You always did have a taste for the dramatic." Picard snorted.

"Speaking of drama, I've decided to keep Gibson." Riker changed the subject before laying lunch out on the table.

"You're kidding?" The older man sat up a little straighter.

"You thought I wouldn't?" Will was amused.

"I was sure you wouldn't. Beverly has always had a soft spot for Sam. I've always enjoyed having a different voice." He explained. "The rest of us have been together for so long, we tend to know what the others are thinking before the discussion has even begun. Sam was always the devils advocate."

"Worf respected that about him." Will nodded. "I have to say I like the guy."

"You and Beverly." Jean Luc sighed.

"Beverly and I aren't usually of like mind." He sighed. "The thought of her leaving - of you and the children leaving -wasn't something I was ready to think about."

"You may resent that when I start to go down hill, Will." Picard's eyebrows rose as he chewed his food. "When I'm giving orders on your bridge in my pajama's you might wish she'd taken a job planet side."

"Never." Riker said honestly. "Besides, who else but me would order their crew to indulge you, Captain?"

"True." Picard smiled at him.

"I went to her office. Selar said I'd just missed her."

"She's with Sienna's class today." He met his friends eyes. "This is between her and Deanna, Will. You know that."

"Deanna can't, or won't. I'm not sure which." The Captain's voice dropped. "She see's Beverly's disapproval as some kind of rejection."

"My wife needs to learn how to better cover her emotions."

"When the baby comes." Will whispered, like it was some magical cure all. Picard hoped that it would be.

"Soon." He reminded his former first officer wistfully.

Will Riker just nodded.

* * *

Counselor Judith McKenna had enough of her current patients. After listening to the ships engineer and first officer argue of the better part of fifty minutes.

"That's it!" She yelled, her hands flapping into the air. "I'm leaving."

"Counselor I-." Geordi began in his defense.

"No." She muttered angrily stomping to the replicator. "You're going to work this out the way of my ancestors." She leaned forward. "Computer override replication safety procedure beta one five. Medical code McKenna alpha four six gamma."

"Safety lock out removed." The computer announced.

"Computer, Earth Scotch in a bottle with two glasses please." She waited for it to materialize before setting it in front of the two stunned sr. staffers and exiting her own office.

Gibson looked at Laforge for a minute before Geordi shrugged.

Sam poured them each a glass.

* * *

"All I'm saying is that Will wouldn't have ever made us feel like we weren't doing the best we could." LaForge announced, waving his pointed finger at his Commanding officer.

"And I do?" Gibson sounded hurt.

"Yes!" Geordi nodded.

"I don't mean to do that… I know.. I know.." For a minute Sam was worried he was going to start to sob. He took a deep breath instead. Geordi refilled their glasses. "I have the best crew in Star Fleet." He swallowed. "In the known universe!"

"I'll drink to that." The other man announced.

"I just have to keep you on your toes you know? Make sure you are all sharp as… as… what's something sharp?"

"Dilithium?"

"..as dilithium." He finished before bringing his lips back to his glass. "Tell me about Data."

Geordi's drink lowered slowly from his mouth as he looked out the window of the counselors office.

"Ahh.. Data.." He said softly. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Sam shrugged. "He was your best friend."

"He was." Geordi sighed.

"Was he like B-4?"

"Yes and No." The engineer tried to explain. "Data was more.. Dataish.. Less.. New.."

"New?"

"B is still very… new. Data was more evolved. More… humanish. Less new."

"Old?"

"Sort of."

"You miss him."

"A lot." Geordi looked out the window again. "He wouldn't want me to."

"No?"

"No." LaForge shook his head. "He'd want me to remember him, and then put my energy into B4 helping him… be less… new."

"I wish I had known him." Gibson said softly.

"Me too." Geordi decided. "He would have liked you."

"Yeah?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Yeah." LaForge nodded.

"That would have been nice." Sam sighed. "No one likes me."

"Doc does." Geordi pointed his drink at the other man. "Will Riker does."

"The rest of you don't." Gibson huffed.

"I'm glad you're staying." The man's voice sounded almost sorry that he had to make the annoucement.

"What?"

"My neuropathway's have become accustom to your input." Geordi raised an eyebrow before throwing back his head and finishing his scotch.

"Thanks." Sam huffed. "I think."

* * *

The sound of Deanna's panicked voice jarred her from her sleep. She sat up quickly, nearly knocking Jean Luc from the bed.

"Picard here. Deanna what is it?"

"_It's Will_." Came her tearful reply. "_Hurry. I can't tell if he's breathing_."


	12. Chapter 12

The quiet Sickbay roared to life as the CMO rushed in beside the barely conscious Captain.

"He's over dosed on Morphodexiren." Dr. Picard yelled at her medical staff. "He's taken twice the dosage. Heart Rate 53, respirations 3 per minute. He's semi conscious but not answering questions. Prepare neuroblocks on my call. Start heart and lung stimulation." She broke away, turning her attention back to Deanna.

"I can barely sense him." The Betazoid whispered softly, her pale features shaking slightly. Jean Luc seemed to be holding her up.

"Listen to me" Beverly told her firmly. "I'm going to have to give him stimulants Deanna. We'll have to break the link."

"I.."

"Deanna, we need to admit you. Monitor you and the baby as well." She drilled her eyes into her friends. "I'm going to have Alyssa get you settled while I take care of Will"

The familiar nurse was instantly by the small woman's side helping Picard guide her to the bio-bed.

"Elizabeth!" She shouted suddenly.

"Dr. Picard sent a nurse to stay with her." Alyssa told her softly easing her back onto the bed.

"Deanna I'm going to give him neuroblockers now." Beverly yelled over towards her. "I don't have a choice. I'm sorry."

The Counselor nodded at her, her teeth coming to rest on her bottom lip as Selar handed the small piece of equipment to her boss.

"Hold on." She warned her friend just before Deanna's body stiffened with the onslaught of pain her husband had been shielding her from. "Alyssa?"

"Her heart rates 190, the baby looks fine."

"Watch her blood pressure Alyssa." Beverly called. "Come on Will help me out here." She muttered to her patient.

"Heart rates climbing doctor 68, 72." Selar narrated mechanically.

"I.. Wha.." Will Riker's muttering became more coherent.

"Will?" Beverly called gently, rubbing her hand over his chest. "Will can you hear me?"

"Beverly.." He breathed, slowly meeting her eyes just as his went wide. "Deanna.."

"It's alright. I had to use a neuro-blocker. Just for a while until you're more stable." She smoothed her hand across his clammy face.

"Deanna.." He called again.

"She's holding her own, Will. She's okay."

"She can't do it alone. Not for very long.." He implored as his voice drifted off.

"Will you can't worry about her right now." She whispered. "Hey. Stay with me Captain." His eyes lulled back open.

"What hap-?"

"You took too much."

"Same as always.." He shook his head.

"No." She looked at Selar. "Increase his oxygen to forty percent." She dropped her gaze to Riker. "You took 40cc."

Will shook his head.

"Only one to Two hypos.." He recited, his mind hearing Ree's warning voice.

"Dr." Beverly looked at her Vulcan counterpart. The woman turned the hypospray recovered from the Captain's quarters in her hand. "I think I know what happened. The Enterprise's standard dose hyposprays are default calibrated to 20cc sprays. When Doctor Ree refilled the chambers he must have used a hypo from our sickbay. He didn't think to recalibrate and the Captain never checked."

"That's another reason we don't self medicate on my ship." Beverly narrowed her eyes at Selar.

"Bev.. Deanna.." Her patient pleaded. The red haired doctor looked towards her friends readouts.

"Alyssa?"

"Her pressure is rising." The nurse reported.

"Damn it." She looked at Selar. "Stay with him."

Beverly made her way across the room to her friend. Softly brushing the woman's hair off of her face.

"Deanna?" The Betaziod's hand trembled as she raised it to hers. Beverly took it gently. "It's time to have this baby."

"It's too soon." She managed to choke out between raged breaths

"Not for a human baby." She shook her head. "And that's what this one mostly is."

"I can't be induced." Tears sprung to the woman's eyes.

"Not medically no. But we can use some old fashioned methods. Selar can rupture your membranes, and use some natural methods to thin your cervix."

"Beverly.."

"You and Will can't do this alone anymore." She whispered. "Let me help you?" Beverly wiped the beads of sweat from her friends forehead. "Please Deanna let me help you." The two women stared at each other for a moment until Deanna's eyes closed and she nodded slightly.

"Okay." She smiled at her. "Let me take care of Will."

Deanna nodded quickly her eyes following the doctor back over to her husband.

* * *

"Take it easy." Jean Luc Picard warned as he helped Will Riker into the hover-chair. "You're no help to her passed out on the floor."

"It's unnerving not having a sense of her." He growled as his friend pushed him towards the private room Deanna had been moved to.

"You'll have your senses overloaded with her momentarily." Picard warned as the doors hissed open and Deanna's screams filled the air around him.

Will winced when he saw her.

"You're doing fine." Beverly assured her, pressing firmly on both of the petite woman's shoulders as she struggled to sit up. "Just try to keep breathing Deanna."

"I can't do it." She cried. "I can't. I'm going to die!"

"No you are not." Beverly told her sharply. "It's all going to be over soon. I promise."

"Deanna." Will reached out and grasped her hand in his.

"Will!" She cried. "I can't .. Please help me. ."

He shot Beverly a pleading look.

"Not yet." She answered quickly.

"Dr." He started to protest.

"She's got a while to go still. She'll need you more towards the end Will and you have to conserve your strength." Beverly exhaled slowly trying to calm her own mind. "Focus on me. Come on Deanna you can do this! Just focus on me."

* * *

"Keep watching her blood pressure." Beverly reminded her nurse before running her gaze over the baby's specks. "We're doing okay here."

She turned her attention to Will and the small screen on the hover chair that told her what she needed to know about his wellbeing.

"He's not going to be strong enough." She told Selar. "Even if we remove the block we won't be able to give him any more medication."

The Vulcan regarded them for a few seconds before turning back to Picard.

"His absence in her mind is unsettling for her," She explained. Beverly nodded, moving across the room and carefully dialing down the small metallic square on Will's forehead. His eyes closed immediately as his face screwed up in pain.

"Easy..Captain." Beverly warned.

"She's at 8cm's Doctor." Alyssa announced.

"Almost there." She encouraged, clasping Will's shoulder as Deanna calmed a little.

She let the familiar touch of her husband wash over her before the pain swallowed her again.

"Her blood pressures still climbing Doctor." Selar reported , turning her eyes to Beverly. The CMO cursed again.

"We can't do anything else." She shook her head.

"I can." The Vulcan said softly looking across the bed at Will Riker. He sat up quickly, his eyes coaxing hers.

"Are you suggesting-?" Beverly shook her head.

"We're going to loose her." Selar said quickly. "She can't take much more."

The two doctor's studied each other fore a long moment before Beverly nodded slightly and Selar pressed her fingers against Deanna Riker's temples and absorbed as much of the other woman's pain as she could hold.

* * *

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.. Come on Deanna don't stop… five.. Four.. I can see the head… three , two, one.. Rest. Good!" Beverly laid her palms on her best friends knees. "Almost there. Two or three more pushes." Deanna studied her face for an instant before gasping again as her eyes filled with fear. "It's okay." Beverly promised. "Deep Breath.. Ten, nine.."

Will tried to muster every ounce of strength he had left and send it to his wife. He could feel her shake with in his arms. He could feel the fear that raced through her as the urge to push overwhelmed her body. He could also feel Selar across the link. Standing stiffly her eyes shut as she worked on concentrating Deanna's effort.

"Will!" His eye shot open again with Beverly's call. "Three two one. Will look!" He turned his gaze towards her hands. "Come on Deanna! Deep breath the baby's right here! Push!" A strangled scream came from his wife's throat as she pushed again and Will watched the baby slide gently into Beverly's waiting hands. "Baby's out!" She yelled.

"I need a kit and a clamp. Give her 20cc of demorantin. Selar pull yourself back!"

"Beverly.." Came Deanna's breathless voice.

"It's a boy." Beverly said softly. "Alyssa prepare for stimulation. Finley administer the Demoratin."

"Is he alright?" Will rasped.

"He looks good." Beverly said hurried as she clamed and cut the cord.

"I want to see him." Deanna begged as one of the assisting doctors injected her. "Please."

She could feel her grip on consciousness fading as the pain that had been coursing though her for so long slipped unceremoniously away. "Please.. Will.."

Beverly swept the baby up quickly towards his mother before hurrying him off to be cared for. Deanna felt Will's lips brush her temple as her body went limp and the room faded to black.

Will looked at her bio-readouts before turning his attention to Alyssa who was quickly extracting as much from his son's umbilical cord as she could.

"Beverly?" Will called weakly towards where the doctor and her nurse had hurried the baby towards. She turned quickly to face him.

"He's perfect." She exhaled, blinking the tears out of her eyes. "He's fine."

She gathered up the baby in a blanket and handed him to his father. For a moment Will Riker forgot how to breath again. He felt Jean Luc's hand clap down on his shoulder as he let out a chuckle of relief. Will just looked at the dark haired boy in amazement.

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Little One." He choked out as the baby's bright blue eyes opened to regard his father's voice.

* * *

He watched her face twitch as he traced his finger down the side of her jaw.

"Deanna." He called softly, pressing his lips against her forehead.

_Tired._

_It's time to wake up now._

_I don't want to._

_Your son needs to be fed._

Her eyebrow quirked up as the words registered in her conscious mind. That and the kitten like cries of her newborn.

"My son.." She repeated groggily as her eyes started to blink open.

"Yes. Your son." Will teased, brushing his hand across her cheek and into her hair. "And he's getting quiet loud about it."

"Will.." She breathed as her husband lifted the small baby effortlessly into her arms. "He's alright?"

"He's perfect." Will assured her slipping the side of her gown open. "Just hungry."

"Hungry?" She muttered still trying to comprehend what was going on.

"Yes." The baby had stopped squealing now and was busy nursing. She watched him with mild interest. "And my head still hurts."

Her hand unconsciously swept across his temple in concern, he caught it and kissed it.

"Is she awake?" Beverly asked softly coming into the small room.

"Beverly," Deanna's voice was warm.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I have in a long time." She answered honestly.

"You're going to feel tired for a while." Dr. Picard explained softly. "but you shouldn't feel any pain. If you do let me know and we'll give you something."

Deanna nodded her eyes dropping back to the baby.

"Lucky." Wills eyes lifted playfully. "I'm in rehab. No more hypos for me."

"That's right." Beverly admonished.

"You're sure he's alright?" Deanna whispered, tracing her fingertip over her sons face.

"The baby? Perfect." Beverly told her honestly. "Does he have a name?"

Deanna looked at her husband and smiled, giving him a gentle nod.

"Luc Thomas." He told her proudly.

"Lizzie." Deanna asked quickly.

"Jean Luc went to get her. They should be here soon." Beverly told her.

"She's going to be so excited." Will smiled again.

"What about my husband Beverly?" Deanna said quickly. "Have we caused any permanent damage?"

"No." Beverly said sternly. "But he will go through withdrawal and it probably won't be fun."

"It was worth it." Will whispered, stroking his sons foot between his thumb and index finger.

The outer doors of sickbay hissed open and Deanna and Will's faces both lit up.

Jean Luc made his way through the doors and deposited Elizabeth Kestra Riker on the end of her mothers bed.

"I believe this belongs to you." He said seriously as Lizzie giggled.

"Oh thank you Sir. We seemed to have misplaced her again!" Will teased scooping her effortlessly into his arms and settling her in for a view of her brother. "Here he is."

"A boy?" The little girls voice held only a touch of disappointment.

"Elizabeth some of my favorite people are boys." Deanna reminded her daughter cheekily. "Daddy is, in fact, a boy."

Lizzie sighed, looking back at her father who nodded.

"Luc." She announced, looking at the baby again. "You are my brother, Luc."

Will could feel the rush of Picard's emotions at Lizzie's proclamation. He looked at Deanna who had her eyes locked on their former Captain.

"Luc Thomas." Deanna whispered with a nod and Jean Luc Picard cleared his suddenly tight throat.

"It's a good name." He croaked, fighting down the emotion. "Sturdy. An officers name."

"It's a family name." Will told him honestly, his own words coming out in a rasp. He could suddenly feel the thick walls that Deanna and Beverly had erected begin to dissolve. He looked at the Doctor as she smiled, leaning her head against her husband's chest. The cool calmness of his own relief reflected back at him through his wife's mind.

__

This was how it was supposed to be

. 


	13. Chapter 13

Will's brain was trying to crawl out of his skull, the baby wailed on as Deanna carefully checked him from head to toe.

"Are you sure he doesn't look just a little bit yellow to you?" She asked again running her palm along the side of Luc's face.

"Deanna he looks bright red to me." He sighed, rubbing at his temple. "He's hungry just feed him."

"I just fed him two hours ago. Selar said every three hours." She fretted, wrapping the boy back up as she undid the hooks of her shirt. "What if I'm not making enough milk? Or if there is something wrong with it?"

Will let the elbow holding him up straighten as the baby's mouth was finally full, his body flopped painfully back to the sheets. His son still whimpered between swallows.

"There's nothing wrong with your milk." He groaned.

"Selar said-."

"It's not an exact science Deanna maybe he fell asleep too soon before. He was hungry now, not an hour from now. There is nothing wrong with your milk."

She considered it, her eyes focusing on the window before shaking her head, dismissing him completely.

"Maybe I should call Beverly."

"There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with HIM." He covered his face with his arm. "Jesus, Deanna your going to make everyone crazy. There is nothing wrong with him."

She was still for a moment, nothing but the sound of the baby's less frantic sucks made a sound.

"There's defiantly something wrong with you." Her voice was void and cold. As many times in the past three days as he had imagined her saying something like that it was never in that voice. His breath increased in his ears as he slowly sat up and moved off the bed.

"Yeah well.." He swallowed against the bitter taste in his mouth and tried not to stumble as he made his way to the door. He thought about telling her he was going to check on Lizzie but one glance back at the bedroom and he realized it wouldn't have mattered. She was already moving her hand along Luc's arm, looking for something anything that would alert her to the impending doom that she was sure her son was about to suffer at any moment.

He closed his eyes for a second , leaning into the hallway between their room and Elizabeth's, before the doors to his daughter's room opened.

He checked the panel first, he always did. Despite the warning of every Starfleet and Betaziod neonatalogist he'd ever met.

_'Babies are small sometimes the sensors misread them. Trust your eyes, not what the readouts say. If it says she's not breathing but she's smiling at you? She's breathing.'_ One very patient doctor had assured a frantic Lwaxana, more than once.

Will preferred the readouts. Especially with Lizzie. Especially at night. Sometimes when she slept his daughter was remarkably still. Her chest didn't rise and fall with breath like normal children. Her mouth did not open with a click when she needed more oxygen then her nose could provide. Lizzie Riker's body didn't breath. The large wall unit in her bedroom did it for her now, and the swirling seven centimeter deep pack that molded into the back of what ever outfit she wore did it for her during the day. Outfits that were specially made for her by a Usian biologist turned seamstress on the Titian along with the woman's own clothes. Usian's dermal covering was nearly as sensitive as Lizzie's skin, nearly.

Will's eyes drifted along the opening of his daughters pajamas. One of the only places her skin wasn't covered was on her face, the base of her throat was covered in tiny pale bruises from the rub of the hypoallergenic material there. It looked awful.

Geordi and he had many conversations about children and chronic pain. No matter how many times LaForge had assured him that Elizabeth barely noticed her own constant battle, Will couldn't help but ach for the fact that she had a battle at all.

"_She doesn't know anything else Captain_." Geordi reminded him lightly. "_It's her baseline. It's what she expects life is like for everyone."_

He rubbed his face again for the hundredth time tonight as if he could rub the pain and fog from his own head. He'd smiled numbly when Beverly had asked him how he was doing this afternoon after she'd been summoned to check Luc for the third time since his release from Sickbay.

"I'm more worried about this.." Will deflected, his eyebrows raising towards where Deanna fretted over her newborn. (This time he'd seemed too sluggish for her liking.)

"It's to be expected." Beverly smiled. "She's never had a healthy baby before. She's scared."

No, Will had decided. She was way beyond scared. She was terrified. Consumed.

Too consumed to realize she was being irrational. Too consumed to realize she should be grateful that this baby did not need her vigilance now that she had sheparded him safely here.

Too consumed to realize the struggle that was playing it's self out in her husband's mind, the war his body seemed to be at with itself.

And he'd be damned if he was going to tell her.

He watched Lizzie's blood make it's way into the wall unit, swirling as it was oxygenated and forced back in. He remembered the long discussions that had gone into how to get the unit's connections into Lizzie's body. It rejected everything man made and reacted to organic matter not from her own body.

Right now Will felt like his body was doing the opposite. It craved intervention and rebelled against itself.

It was too be expected as Beverly had put it, but Deanna's behavior was hard to accept. He had wanted it too be different. He wanted peace for her. They'd been so long without peace. He wanted to lay on the bed with the baby between them marveling at how his chest rose and fell with breath and the way his mouth opened with a click when his body needed more oxygen than his nose could provide.

He wanted some of that consuming worry to make it's way from her to him. He needed organic matter not from his own body. He needed the feel of her cool hand on his aching head. The sent of her hair to ward off the rolling nausea.

He wanted her to help undo what he had done to himself in order to give her what she needed.

He ran his eyes over Lizzie before he lowered the medical force field and let his hand skim the long soft sheath of a night clothes that covered his daughters back.

He thought of Lieutenant Barlata and her long slim Usain digits as she proudly handed him her current creation for Lizzie. He found himself missing the Titian.

Lizzie's challenges there were just one more obstacle for his unique crew to dissolve.

He smiled when he thought of how his team would have handled this crisis.

_'We are having a problem with the forward sensor array, the biology department is in need of a Killiari Geologist and the Captain is still fighting with his addiction to pain medication after the telepathic amnesia.. Also if anyone has any ideas on how to chill the Counselor the hell out please see Ensign Seat on your way out.'_ He could remember how Christine's words would rush out of her mouth as she finished the end of a briefing.

If you had told him that he would be Captain of the Enterprise E and missing his old command he'd have told you that you were nuts, but he was. And not for the first time either.

He missed the unspoken theme that the crew of the USS Titian would have to overcome it's diversity. That they would have to be adaptive and understanding. There was no space on that ship for anyone to be judgmental. The ridged expectations that made the Enterprise impeccable also made it unforgiving.

Had it always been like that? How had he coped before? He ran his fingers down Lizzie's hair and thought about how the crew must see his daughter.

Challenges; hoveraids, breathing devices, specially designed clothing and quarters, that was the norm on the ship where she spent most of her life. This ship was not that ship.

Maybe he had made a mistake. The fact that he even entertained the thought hurt his very soul. He pressed a kiss to Lizzie's face before securing her force field and making his way back to the bedroom.

Deanna and Luc were asleep, curled lightly on the bed. He straightened it before leaning over an kissing the baby's head and then Deanna's temple. Her hands tightened ever so lightly over her son. Will watched for a moment before pulling his uniform on and making his way out of their suite.

He ran his hands along the arch of the door in silent apology to his ship. His home. Only one starship had ever meant more to Will Riker than this one.

_The D._ God how he'd loved that vessel. He remembered in the Captain's 'future' how he'd still had her out among the starts long after any sane person would have called it quits. Not Will Riker, he loved her. And at the time the only woman he loved more was the one at the helm when the former had been sent crashing to the rocky ground of a planet he wanted to forget existed.

She was not as cutting as the E, not a point on her really, she was smooth. Her design purely diplomatic, sketched long before the Borg were known to them, before the Dominion existed.

He made his way along the corridor, swallowing back the waves of irritation and exhaustion.

He loved this ship too. He remembered the first time he saw her back at Mars.

He remembered Data's crisp greeting how he'd met him at the end of the gate with things to sign.

_"Welcome aboard, Sir." _Will had smacked the back of his hand across the androids chest with a smile.

_"Missed you too Data."_

How Geordi had appeared behind him, his smile as wide as his visor. _"Come on Commander. I've got so much to show you!"_

He remembered wanting to get it all of his busy work finished before getting to transporter room three two hours from then.

_"Make a short list Geordi I don't have as long as you want me to."_ He'd grinned back, clapping his friend on the shoulder.

He remembered how he'd rushed back just in time to be there when she shimmered back where she belonged. He remembered how light and perfect she'd felt in his arms as he'd snatched her off the platform and crushed her to him.

_"Will.." _Her soft airy whisper had felt like water to a dying man as pressed her temple into his chest. "G_od I thought this day would never get here."_

There was so much promise back then. So much joy. A year apart had made them all so eager to get back out there, together.

Was that still there? Were they still eager? Was he?

"_State destination_." Will Riker jumped at the sound of the computer's voice. Even she sounded disappointed in him. He didn't remember getting in the turbolift, but that was where he was currently standing. He blew out a breath.

"Main Engineering?" He didn't know if he was asking permission or for direction, but the computer gave none. It just started sending him in the direction he'd asked. He slid out of the lift and made his way back towards the main engine room, still not knowing where he was going.

"Captain?" Geordi's voice rose in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on leave?"

He looked at Will's face for a moment before his smile faded.

"Is there a problem?"

"Nah." Will shook his head. "Just restless. I need to.. get out. What about you what are you doing out here?"

"Ah..Trying to get some stuff done. Leah gets back in three days and I don't wanna have anything nonessential to work on when she does." He scratched his cheek in what Will might have thought was embarrassment if he didn't know Geordi Laforge like he did.

"How are David and Elexa?" Will hadn't seen Geordi's step-son and young daughter in years.

"Wonderful. Both doing very well in school." Geordi looked back at the engine before turning back to Will.

"It must be hard. Not having them on board?"

"Sometimes." He puckered his lips. "I was glad we decided to keep them on Earth with her sister during the war. That was the right decision for us. Then Leah didn't ever see any reason to disrupt them. David had never even been on a starship before when Leah and I first started dating. Forget living on one! When she was pregnant with Elexa she was still working on the _Foremost_ and it's new engine design. Then the war started, by the time she joined me here, Lex was in kindergarten. When it was over she was in seventh grade. There wasn't much of a reason then for her to uproot everything."

"I can't imagine not being there. How hard that must be for you. It's not like the Enterprise gets back to Earth a lot."

"We make it work Captain." Geordi smiled. "They come onboard during Summer break from school. I take a lot more shore leave than I used to. You just wait."

Will smiled.

"You know Beverly would probably give you something for the headache." LaForge told him softly.

"I'm okay Geordi." He sighed. "But thank you."

"Take care of yourself Captain. You're no good to them if you don't do that." He huffed.

"I will." He lumbered towards the warp coil and looked at it like it was alive. "Are you happy Geordi?"

"Sure Captain." He said lightly, moving to stand behind Will.

"With the ship?"

"She's the best there is."

"Then what?" Will sighed.

"Sir?"

"I've climbed to the top of the ladder.."

"And it's not all you'd hoped for?"

"I don't know."

"You're tired Will." The engineer said softly. "And you're body's taken a hell of a beating. Get some sleep. Go see Beverly." He snickered. "Hell Sir.. Go see Judith."

Will's eyebrow rose and fell with a smirk.

"She's good.."

"I don't like the hard stuff anymore, Commander." He teased.

"Goodnight Captain." If he didn't know better Will Riker would have thought it was an order.

"Goodnight." Will whispered back making his way towards the turbolift. "Geordi? Thanks."

"Anytime old friend." Laforge called back softly.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N** : In response to a review: Lizzie's diagnosis can be found in chapter seven. Details about her illness can be found in chapters 1,2, and 13. (probably others yet to come) but I've already explained what is wrong with her. Hope this clears up any confusion!

**New note**. I didn't know why i had written the scene with Geordi in Engineering until today.. sorry...

* * *

His head had already fogged up again. He fought to clear it. It was too soon. Too soon. He had to be careful.. Purposeful.. Controlled..

"-n't heard a thing I said have you, Number One?"

He rubbed his face and turned his gaze from Lizzie's giggling form and back to the boy at his side.

" I apologize Admiral. My mind had wandered." He whispered in his best repentant Star Fleet Officer voice. "It won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't Number One." The boy's face broke uncharacteristically out of character as he regarded his God Father. "I was talking about my communiqué with Melora."

"Lizzie's birthday party." He sighed. "Did she give you any insider information on Gemworld?"

"You'll find out." He grinned, watching Lizzie turn circles, her arms stretching out towards the android who caught her effortlessly before letting her float away from him like a balloon. He turned his eyes back to Jack. "It's going to be-." The boy stopped his face immediately going blank.

"What's wrong?" Will's head shot back towards Lizzie, but she was still playing happily.

"Didn't you feel it?" Jack asked him quizzically.

"Feel what?"

"The Enterprise has just jumped to Warp 9, Sir." B4 told him quickly stepping out of the zero gravity field with unnatural ease.

"Why?" Will shook his head as the Lieutenant's communicator chirped.

"Bridge to Lt. Commander B4." Worf rumbled through the link.

"B4 here."

"Please report to the bridge."

"Is there a problem Commander?" Will interrupted unconsciously leaning towards the android's communicator.

"We've received a distress call, Sir." Worf's voice dropped. "From shuttle craft seven."

"Leah." Will whispered, shooting an alarmed glance at his second officer.

"On my way." The android obediently started towards the door. Will's eyes shot to where Lizzie floated in zero G chasing after Sienna Picard.

"Go." Jack said suddenly. "I'll help Nurse Powell get her home."

"Are you sure?" Will implored his young friend.

"Geordi needs his Captain on the bridge."

Will nodded at him before running his hand over the boys head and making his way out the door.

* * *

"Report."

If anyone was surprised to see their currently on leave Captain half stagger out onto his bridge in civilian clothes they didn't react.

"Complete engine failure, she's lost forward thrusters. Life support is fluctuating.." Geordi LaForge's voice was near panic. "The whole thing just started shutting down."

"Why?" Will snapped looking towards B4 who shook his head slowly.

"No apparent cause Captain."

"How soon can we get to her?"

"Not soon enough Captain." Geordi yelled before studying the schematics again. "Honey, did you try retooling the central force collaborators?"

_"Negative. That's how I lost my secondary power source_." Her voice was oddly calm. "_I'm trying to plot arou- forward- if it can't_-."

"Leah?" Will watched Geordi lean towards his station. "Don't divert any more engery from the rear thrusters they're too weak as it is. You hit something out there and it'll throw you into a dead spin."

"-_of running - tions!" _Her broken message cut through the air.

"Is their anywhere she can put this thing down?" Will yelped.

"Negative Sir. Nothing class M near by."

"Of course not."

"The _USS Horatio_ is 20 minutes from the location Sir."

"You hear that?" Geordi huffed. "Keep her going for 20 more minutes."

"Life support in the shuttle is down to fourteen percent." B4 announced.

_"-think-supp-n't_."

"Can we get a better link?" Geordi looked helplessly at Worf. The Klingon growled slightly at his consol.

"_ave- thi- kids…" _The choppy words were thick with tears of defeat. Will let them ring in his ears.

"Leah. You just have to-." Laforge pleaded.

"Sir Life support is-." Riker held his hand up to the android silencing his countdown.

"Just hang on. The _Horatio _is going to be there."

The com link crackled eerily around them before LaForge's consol chirped. Will circled up the ramp and stood at his side.

_**I love you and the kids. You'll remember how I'm always with you, right?**_

Will Riker put his hand on his friends shoulders as he shook his head.

"No. No.. I'm not.." He looked at the panel as if he could magically undo what was happening. "No."

"Life Support has failed." Worf said solemnly. "I am detecting no life signs from the shuttlecraft."

"Geordi." Will whispered softly. Tightening his grip on his Engineers arm. "I'm sorry."

"She can fix this. She's a Goddamn Engineer."

"She's gone." Will breathed, swallowing hard against the rolling nausea welling up in him. "I'm so sorry."

"She can't be.." He shook his head and turned towards Worf who was now standing with Gibson at Tactical.

"I am detecting _no_ life signs from the shuttle." He repeated softly, with the voice of a widower instead of a warrior. Will's head was pounding louder than the Klingon's voice.

"No life signs..?" LaForge whispered softly his shoulders sagging forward. "No li-."

Will looked up at B4. It was Data he saw though, strong resourceful dependable Data. His mind reconstructing him for Riker in this moment off ciaos like a shield. He noticed the way the androids head tilted a silent Data like nod. Will wondered if the android knew how badly Will needed his strength.

"Take him to the Ready room." He turned his face towards Gibson his first officer was nothing but a blurry shimmering blob.. "Call Judith and Beverly to.." He gestured after LaForge. "Worf, contact the_ Horatio_. Make.. Preparations,, to retrieve the shuttle craft and.. the Dr.." He took a slow breath, imploring himself not to vomit. "You have the bridge Number one." He stumbled to the Observation lounge before his knee's buckled and he dropped onto the carpet.

His fingers fumbled for the hypo spray he'd had in his pocket pressing it desperately against his skin only to hear the hesitant grunt of an empty chamber. He dropped it, letting it roll under the table before he dropped back against the wall.

…...

"Are you sure?" Deanna fretted, running her finger over the tiny red bump on her son's spine.

"Yes. Deanna he's fine." After a week of gentle new mother coddling Beverly Picard had met her match. Deanna Riker was officially driving her crazy.

"You sound just like Will." The woman snapped.

"I'm sorry." The redheaded Doctor took a deep breath. "I can't imagine what you are going through. I can't imagine how Will's feeling!"

"Well, that makes two of us." Deanna interrupted tersly, as she rewrapped her son.

"Deanna?"

"He's blocking me." Her mind reached out instinctively to his like it did every time she faced the fact that he had closed himself off. Only this time she could feel the shreds of.. something. She reached further.

"You've both been though so much. Maybe he's feeling-." She didn't hear Beverly's voice. She pulled Luc closer to her chest, and leaned against the biobed as the feelings began to untangle. "Deanna."

"_Will_." Her voice was barely a whisper, and that was all Beverly Picard was going to get as she suddenly sprinted out of Sickbay.

"Deanna!" Beverly started to follow, halting in her tracks as Worf's voice summoned her to the bridge.

Deanna Troi got there first, wild eyed and panicked.

"Counselor.." Worf began before she put up a hand and thrust Luc quickly into his before making her way towards the observation lounge. Leaving a very uncomfortable Klingon in her wake.

* * *

He hadn't realized he'd dropped his barriers, but he wasn't entirely surprised when the doors hissed open and her arms surrounded him. He pressed his forehead against her belly and started to sob.

"Shh.. Will.. It's alright." She told him quickly. "Everything's going to be alright."

I wasn't and he knew it.

He knew his grasp was weakening, that emotions carefully guarded for years upon years were pressing against the doors of the closet he'd kept them locked in.

He turned his face against her tiny body and gasped for breath, trying in vain to reconstruct the wall he'd had between him.

He felt her gasp, her body lurching like she'd been socked in the gut. He grit his teeth and tried to pull back the escaping emotions.

"No." She pleaded, her arms tightening around him. "Let it go."

His chest heaved as he fought her request., his eyes squeezing shut as she tilted his head back .

"Will.." She whispered again, tracing his temple with her index finger. "Imzadi please.."

His blue eyes clicked open and her lips parted as his mind slowly started to inch the door further open. The emotions tumbled past him and splayed out at her feet. The pain and loneliness, the feelings of failure and defeat. The aching need for her that went unanswered. The fear and physical agony that had followed him through Luc's pregnancy. The toll that his unwavering strength and support had cost him made it's way up her spine.

It was the hopelessness of the failed pregnancies that hit her the hardest. Their was utter distain at her desire to keep trying after one, two, three babies had been lost. The regret and guilt of not knowing them, mixed with the remorseful relief each time one was lost to spare her life. His anger at her was hot and it burned her. The need of hers to parent a biological child enraged him. Their mutual abandonment of his needs for hers, for Lizzie's for the ship… again and again clenched around her heart. His jealously of their son and her unwavering attention to him and the unyielding feeling of shame and disgust in himself for feeling that way was what dropped her own body towards the deck. Riker's grasp of her shifted as he pulled her onto his lap. Clutching her to his breast like a child.

Her mind encircled his, uncovering pictures of his fears. That she'd never get over her consumption with Luc's health, for Lizzie and his feelings of loss for her old more accepting home on the Titian, then of his ongoing fight with the medication that had made their son's life possible. Her eyes darted to the disregarded hypo under the table and then back to him.

She waited until his mind was an empty white haze before she resumed soothing him. Her own body still shivering with tears. He was spent, his hollowed eyes slipping softly shut as his head nestled just below her clavicle.

"It's going to be alright now." She whispered softly, before dropping her words directly into his hazy brain.

_We'll get through this. We will._

"Geordi.." He whispered hesitantly.

"Not now." She said softly. "Can you get up?" He considered it before nodding into her. She set her feet on the ground and he absently pulled the two of them to a standing position. She pulled him towards the rear turbolift, avoiding the bridge. "Deck ten." She whispered.

There was no curiosity from him. No wonder, just utter exhaustion and it stung her. The lift opened and she lead him down the hall of guest quarters until she reached the VIP area and keyed open one of the doors.

She lead him into the bedroom, rolling back the blankets and easing him down on the bed.

"I'll be right back." She promised. His hand gripped at her wrist anyway. Deanna met his eyes.

_I **will** be right back_.

His eyes slipped shut and his hand released her arm.

"Computer secure door Troi omega one five Riker. " She called as it swished open and closed behind her.

"Door secure."

* * *

Beverly Picard wiped her eyes with her long fingers before smiling sadly at Judith. McKenna leaned forward, touching Geordi's knee with her hand, talking softly to him. Geordi cuddled Luc closer to his chest, grateful for the baby's sudden appearance.

B4 stood crisply as if he was on guard. She found herself wondering about the androids own 'soul' for a second. Leah and Geordi had acted like adoptive parents to him after Data's 'death'. She wondered what her sudden departure did for the seemingly child like android.

"Do you have any questions Commander?" Beverly asked him gently.

"Many Doctor." B4 asked slowly, turning his head to face hers. "Many."

The doors suddenly shifted open and a tear saddened Deanna Riker rushed into the room, stopping only when it's occupants all looked towards her.

"I'm truly sorry to interrupt." She announced.

"I wondered when you'd come for him." Beverly whispered. "Worf was quite stunned."

"Yes.." Deanna murmered distractedly realizing she was refuring to the baby.

"If you don't mind Counselor I'd like to hold him a little longer." Geordi sniffed.

"Of course.. Geordi.. As long as you need.." She tried to remember to be consoling, compassionate. He'd just lost his wife. All she felt was frantic. "Beverly can I see you?" She grabbed the other woman's medkit from the table and gestured out the door.

"Deanna?" The doctor followed her into the hall.

"Please…" She tugged at her friends sleave, pulling her into the lift and out onto deck ten.

"Deanna what's going on?"

"Remove door lock authorization Troi omega one five Riker." the door swished open and she lead Beverly into the the bedroom. "Please.. As a friend. I'll explain later."

* * *

"Deanna.." Beverly pulled her friend back out towards the main room of the VIP quarters.

"I will _explain_ later." She held up her hand to the other woman, fresh tears springing to her eyes. "Is he okay for now?"

"Yes. Medically."

"Will you look after Luc and Lizzie tonight?" She sniffed. "You can get B4 to stay in our quarters with her or take her to sickbay. Please Beverly…" She looked back towards Will. "Please. "

"Of course." Beverly's eyes begged for more explanation.

"Tomorrow." Deanna whispered.

"I'll hold you to that." Beverly promised.

"Take care of my babies." She pleaded. Beverly nodded as Deanna walked her to the door. Picard hugged her before stepping out. "Computer secure door, medical override only Troi omega one five Riker."

She moved towards the guest bedroom,

"Deanna.." His voice was sorrowful, she shushed him, pulling him into her arms like a child.

"Later." She ordered. "You're so tired Will."

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"No." She told him, pressing her lips to his head. "None of that now."

His eyes shut stubbornly and she sent him wave after wave of acceptance. She would have no more of this.

"None of this was your fault." She reminded him. "None of it. Except for holding it back from me for so long." She shushed his attempt at explanation. "I know why." She sniffed back tears again. "And for that I'm sorry Imzadi. I truly am."

She batted his protective argument away and sent her own amount of mother tiger back at him. She'd forgotten, somewhere along her quest that despite his brandish exterior he had an extremely fragile soul.

"Deanna.." The breath he'd been struggling with flowed out of him and she moved closer, the feeling of being on edge start to melt away. She pressed her lips against his skin again. "Deanna.."

"I'm here." and that's all he needed to know.


	15. Chapter 15

"You're sure?" Beverly Picard looked worriedly at the baby then back at Geordi.

"I don't want to go back to my quarters tonight." He answered. "How hard could it be? We feed him every four hours." He shrugged at the baby. "Will needs this." He watched Beverly scowl and start to speak before raising his eyebrows. "I need this."

"You'll call me if you change your mind?" She watched him set Luc into the bassinet.

"You'll be the first to know." Geordi looked across the room as the doors hissed open and B4 carried in a sleeping Lizzie Riker.

"I want to check her before you settle her in." Beverly whispered following after them.

"She is operating with in normal parameters doctor." B4 said stiffly laying the girl on the bed and preparing her medical equipment.

"You make it sound like she's an android B." The woman mused.

"I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable Doctor but Elizabeth and I do have many things in common." She watched him as he dialed up an increase of oxygen saturation before carefully removing the thin tubing that connected the girl's human parts to her mechanical ones. Stripping open a new attachment to the wall unit and inserting it perfectly. "We both share unique mechanical adjustments that are seldom seen in the known universe." He watched the readings, giving her another burst of oxygenation before nodding with satisfaction.

Beverly had not ever considered Lizzie's similarities to the android. She'd always thought of the child's seamless implants more in the mindset of the Borg. Maybe because that was the technology she herself had used to construct the elaborate systems that kept her alive.

"Computer enact force field."

"Why the force field?" La Forge said softly from the door way.

"If she were to turn or sit up without being fully awake and fall off of the bed…" Beverly bit her lip.

"She'd disconnect." He nodded. "We don't want that."

"The computer would alert us immediately and reattachment should only be a momentary adjustment." The android explained, before carefully studying his counterparts faces. "But.. We wouldn't want that..?" His voice was guessing and it made him smile.

"No. We wouldn't." Geordi looked towards the door as Luc Riker started to fuss.

"You're sure?" Beverly followed him into the main room and watched Geordi scoop the baby back up.

"Good Night Doc." He said softly. Beverly gave him a kiss on the cheek before making her way back to her own children. LaForge looked at the baby. "You just don't want to be alone tonight do you?" He sighed. "Well that's okay. Neither do I."

* * *

She felt him looking at her before she opened her eyes. The blurriness that had clouded the connection between them was gone. His mind was as open to her now as her own was. She wondered when the last time it had been like that.

_"Probably before Lizzie was born."_ His voice whispered into her head.

"That long?" She whispered, letting her eyelids slip open.

"I don't really know." He moved his arms, rustling the blanket until his hands reached his hair.

"Will she's ten."

"Almost." His voice rumbled. She watched his eyebrow quirk up for a second. "I can't belive you let Beverly drug me."

"Yes because the whole 'cold turkey' was working so well for you." Her voice held an edge her mind didn't.

"It's not your fault." He told her, rolling onto his side and looking at her.

"Sure." She sighed.

"Deanna.." His hand dropped against her cheek, rustling the blankets

"We share a mind Will you'd have thought I'd have noticed."

"I didn't want you to."

"All the more reason I should have noticed." She raised her brow this time, making his dry lips break into a smile. She cupped her hand against his turning her face into his palm and kissing it. "And I think we need to work on your shields. You really made a mess up there."

He pulled his hand away and rubbed his face again.

"I know. I'm still a bit dizzy from your 'house cleaning' Lwaxana."

"Ouch." She feigned annoyance and he was glad for the first time in a long time that it was fake.

"We should check on the kids." He sighed.

"Beverly has it." Deanna said a little too quickly.

"Honey.." Will rubbed his eyes. "I know you want to check on Luc."

"You need me right now." She breathed. "He doesn't."

"I'll be okay long enough for you to check on the baby." His voice was soft. She could feel the open door between them start to narrow.

"Will don't you dare." She sat up looming over him, swatting his hands away from his eyes. "Don't."

"Sorry." He whispered, moving his grip to her arms.

"Get dressed. I'm sure Beverly's waiting in sick bay with a hypo in her hand starring at the door."

"Ug.' He moaned as she slid off the bed and into the bathroom.

* * *

"How's Geordi?" Will aked softly as Beverly ran her scanner over him again.

"He's alright." She sighed. "He and B4 spent the night in your quarters with Luc and Lizzie."

"He did?" Will looked confused. Beverly nodded, injecting him with another spray of something before seeming satisfied with the results.

"Yes. Babies are good therapy."

"He's probably held him more than I have." Will sighed.

_"We have plenty of time to remedy that Imzadi."_ Her voice flooded him as his eyes slipped over to where she swept through the doors with Judith in tow.

"Uh Oh. Round two." He whispered wearily pointing at the ships counselor.

"Nice to see you too Captain." McKenna whispered, moving past Picard who left the room in a blur of blue and red making a Bline towards Deanna.

_"I'll trade back."_ Deanna's voice was almost frightened.

_"No way."_

"Deanna." The smaller woman braced herself.

"I didn't know." She held her hands up in defense. "Beverly I swear I-."

"His cerebral cortex was.."

'It'll get better." Deanna said quickly. "I'm worried about the drugs."

"He definatly cut down dramatically after Luc was born.'

"It was just too hard for him Beverly." She pressed her lips together. "He couldn't do it alone and I really wasn't.." Beverly looked at the floor. "You knew?"

"I suspected." Picard informed her friend. "He was just so numb."

"I.. You knew he was falling apart and I didn't." She exhaled slowly.

"Deanna it was pretty complicated."

"I'd like to say I'm not usually so selfish Beverly" She looked at the wall. "But for the better part of ten years I have been."

"Deanna know one's blaming you."

"Except myself." She wiped her eyes. "I blame myself."

_"We have plenty of time to remedy that Imzadi."_ Will shot back. She couldn't help but laugh at that before she whispered back.

_"Pay attention to Judith." _She scolded..

_"Yes ma'am."_

"Deanna, Will is going to be fine. You are going to be fine. Enjoy that."

Deanna smiled softly.

"I have to go." Beverly said calmly, looking back into Sick Bay.

"Wait.' The Betazoid laid her hand on her friends arm for a second. "I have a question."

"Anything."

"Sex." Deanna leaned in as she spoke, watching her friends eyes widen.

"Sex?"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes at Picard's confused expression. "As in 'can we have sex'." She leaned in to her again. "It's been a VERY long time."

"It's.. Oh.." Beverly shook her head clear. "Yeah.. Um..' She swept the tricorder over Deanna quickly. "Sure. All systems.." She leaned into Mrs. Riker's shoulder. "Go for it."


	16. Chapter 16

"Everything was easier on the Titian!"

"Why do you think that is?" Judith shot back just as quickly.

"The crew was more flexible, calmer. They thought outside the box. Regulation was respected but not necessarily regarded as the last word." He sighed. "It was friendlier."

"And why do you think that was?" McKenna raised an eyebrow at him.

"Judith." He moaned, burying his face in his hands. "You know when Deanna used to do this she would actually put in her two cents."

"Will." She breathed back. "You have just spent the last half an hour complaining that this ship doesn't fit you because you are more calm, flexible, and a little loose with the regulations." He looked up at her, his blue eyes bright with understanding for the first time since they'd started this session. "Will you didn't change to fit the Titian.."

"It grew to fit me." His lips parted slightly. "And the Enterprise?"

"A little too formal, polite but not at ease when things are not what she expects. Cautious. Reserved, but amazingly resilient." She arched her eyebrow again, pushing her face into his line of sight. "Remind you of anyone?"

He smiled and she almost sighed in relief.

"I'm not Picard." His eyes were glowing now, as he tried to stop grinning.

"And the Enterprise is no longer Picard's ship." Judith finished. "And it's time you stopped acting like she was."

* * *

Beverly Picard pulled off her lab coat and looked at the scene in front of her. Lizzie and Jack busily playing a game of Vulcan checkers while Sienna helped her daddy scoop large pieces of cantaloupe out of the serving dish and onto individual plates while he bounced Luc on his shoulder.

"Mommy's home." He whispered warmly, nudging Sienna with his elbow.

"Mommy! We _made_ dinner." She giggled.

"You did?"

"We _assembled_ dinner." Jean Luc teased. "We did not grow anything while you were at work."

"I cut the cantaloupe." Sienna wrinkled her nose at her father in disappointment.

"Sienna did in fact cut the cantaloupe." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Jack help your sister set the table."

He moved towards her and she reached out her hands for the baby.

"You look very domestic." She purred. "I'd forgotten how natural you _eventually_ became with a baby on your shoulder."

"Don't get any ideas Beverly. We are old."

"You are old." She reminded sharply with a raise of her perfect eyebrow. "I am accomplished."

"You are beautiful." He muttered kissing her. "Deanna was here earlier. She looked better than I've seen her look in years."

"I hope so." Beverly drew her finger across Luc's face.

"How's our Captain?"

"He was just coming out of a session with Judith when I left Sickbay but the twinkle was back in his eye."

"That's something." He watched his wife glance over her shoulder for a second before looking back at him.

"And I cleared Deanna for intercourse today so he should be twinkling tomorrow." She told him secretively.

"Beverly!" He muttered with an embarrassed grin.

"Well I'm just saying.."

"You're saying that these two aren't going home anytime soon?"

"Not tonight." Beverly smiled, dropping her eyes to Luc who looked back at her with infantile interest.

* * *

"I think I made a breakthrough." Will said quickly strutting back into the guest quarters. "I now know what to do to make us happy !"

"Me too." Deanna called softly. His eyes lifted with the tone and he found her stretched out against the doorway in nothing but a soft pink silk robe. "Hi."

"Hi." He froze. His body tingling at the sight of her.

"Will.. " She smiled taking a few steps toward him before loosening the ties of the robe enough that he actually gasped a little. "I know it's been a long time but I can't believe you've forgotten what to do in this situation." He swallowed hard , his eyes squinting just a little before her hand reached out towards his. He took it cautiously. "Ooh Kaay." She raised a hopeful brow. "Usually, this is where you would sweep me up in your arms and-."

The gasp that escaped hr lips knocked the words away as he yanked her against his chest and pressed his mouth to hers. He freed her hand and it found it's way frantically to his hair.

The small whimper of surrender that slipped form his mouth as their lips parted made her want to weep. She moved her arms around his neck as his hands roamed down the length of her body, still gentle at first, searching her mind for the pain that he knew logically wouldn't be there. However logic and experience were two different things, and Will Riker never again wanted the experience of causing his wife pain.

_It's alright._

She urged him on, using his shoulders to support herself as she let her legs slide around his waist. He clamored to lift her the rest of the way up, grunting as her body pressed against his suddenly very awake genitals.

His fingers pressed firmly against her thighs as he clumsily carried her into the bedroom and sat them on the edge of the bed. She moved back a little, meeting his gaze.

_I love you._

The raw emotion made his eyes shut as he pressed his forehead against hers. She moved the lower half of their bodies closer as well and he groaned as she touched him though the fabric of his uniform.

"Beverly Okay'd this?" He mumbled, pulling his arm away from her just long enough to free it from his sleeve.

"Yes." She kissed him again, helping his other arm from the fabric. "Happy?"

"You have no idea."

* * *

"Commander?" Gibson made his way into the other man's quarters.

"They here Sam?" Geordi sighed turning from his desk and looking at him.

"The Foremost is entering range." He nodded, following his First Office to the turbolift. "Transporter room three."

They walked in silence until the doors swished open and Sam dismissed the Ensign at the controls.

"Sam." LaForge swallowed. "Thanks.'

Gibson nodded solemnly as he retrieved the signal from the Foremost and beamed aboard the other man's children.

Elexa launched herself from the platform and into her fathers somewhat stunned arms. David took a few steps before stopping in front of them. LaForge extended his hand slowly and dropped it on the young man's shoulder.

"Dad.." Geordi looked up at his step sons' face. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know." The engineer shook his head. "None of it makes sense. B4's working on it."

"B." Lex pulled back from her father and wiped her face. "Is he okay?"

"I think so. He's had lots of questions." He smiled at her round face, so much like Leah's. "That's probably a good sign don't you think?"

She nodded.

"Where is he?" David asked.

"In his quarters." La Forge smiled.

"I'm gonna go.." He looked past his father and sister. "I don't want to.."

"Are you sure?" Geordi watched David nod before looking at Elexa. "And you're sure you want to?"

"I need too." She whispered. "I want to see her."

"I'll make sure David gets to the Lieutenant Commander. ." Sam said stiffly. "Cadet?"

"Yes Sir thank you." He whispered, touching his stepfather's shoulder as he walked by them. "He seems like he's doing okay."

"I don't think it's hit him yet." Sam answered honestly. The young man nodded and continued down the corridor. He watched with mild interest as David greeted B4 much they way that you would greet a younger brother.

"How are you doing?" The Cadet asked leaning forward towards the android.

"I believe I am supposed to be asking you that question David."

"Well I asked you first." The young man leaned back against the couch.

"I find my self with a list of questions."

"Sure."

"Questions that I would normally be asking your mother." The android explained.

"You can ask me." David smiled. "I might be able to answer." A warm smile spread across David Brahms' face and Sam decided he'd intruded enough.

"Cadet, Lt. Comander. I'll be going." David jumped to his feet, turning to face his superior. B4 rose slowly.

"Thank you Sir."

Sam nodded at him.

"Again I'm very sorry about your mother. She was a genuine person."

"Thank you." David's eyebrow quirked at the Commander's word choice as the doors swished shut behind him.

"I believe that is high praise for him." His eyebrows arched lightly in a way that reminded David of Data.

He'd been ten when Data had been lost, five when he'd met him, but he still had managed to remember quiet a bit. But he guessed it was hard for any five year old to forget meeting an android.

"Well then." He shrugged his shoulder. "How's Geordi?"

B4 cocked his head slightly.

"He is not behaving how I would have expected."

"How do you mean?"

"I have found in my experience that when people loose a spouse they tend to be overly emotional. Geordi has shown no high spikes in his emotional responses. If anything he has seemingly no emotional spikes at all."

"He's numb." David shrugged. "It's perfectly normal for a human to become numb when they don't know how to deal with an emotional issue. "

"Then I guess I would also be described as numb. Even with out the capability of emotion." B4 looked at his friend's step son. "When my brother Data was destroyed, I did not fully comprehend the ramifications of that happenstance. It did not occupy so much of my neural activity as Leah's death seems too. I find myself considering all of the variables that will be effected by her absence. It makes me wonder the same things about when my brother was destroyed. I find myself wondering what would have occurred differently if he hadn't."

"I think that Data would be impressed with your progress." David guessed, fiddling with one of the pads on the desk. "I know Mom would have been." Brahms' sighed.

"Are you numb as well?"

"I'm numb, then I'm mad, then I'm sad." He pursed his lips. "Mostly I'm just worried about everyone else."

"I believe that is also acceptable for human grief."

"I'm glad that you approve." He grinned, watching B4's face quirk. "What?"

"You smile like your mother." He blinked.

"Thanks." David looked at the android. "You smile like your bother."

"Thank you." B4 tilted his head to side and David tried not to smile.


	17. Chapter 17

Beverly tramped across the icy yard towards the house, pulling at the lapels of her coat before knocking firmly on the door. She jumped up and down a few times waiting until the door cracked open.

"Beverly." The soft voice made her feel instantly warmer.

"B'Elanna I didn't realize you were on Earth." She smiled as she pulled her through the door.

"I came for the funeral. Tom and I worked with Leah integrating Borg technology. She rubbed at her arms, shaking her head."You should have transported in from the station!"

"I always feel so invasive beaming into someones home. But I have to admit I didn't realize how cold it actually was here." She looked around the warm cabin. "I don't think it was even this cold in Alaska."

"Tell me bout it." She smiled at her again. "It's wonderful to see you."

"I wish it were just a social call." Beverly touched her shoulder and he nodded.

"Seven's in the lab." The engineer pulled her towards the hallway and down the steps. She marveled at the way the cozy cottage feel started to meld into the cool metalic walls until the hominess was gone completely. "Dr. Picard is here." Torres smiled before making her way back up the stairs.

"Dr." The blonde spun effortlessly on her heels before smiling. "I'm glad to see you."

"I am so glad to finally be here to do this." She smiled, before remembering she was on Earth for a funeral. "Even if the circumstances are sad ones." Seven nodded tightly before looking back at the screen.

"I have been reviewing your hypothesis. I don't see any reason not to expect success."

"Seriously?"Beverly's face glowed like a little girl. "You're serious?"

"Dr. Picard, I'm always serious." The woman told her with a sly look.

"Yes, of course, Seven. I'm sorry."

"Would you care to see what I've done so far?" Seven's Borg like stride had long go stopped bothering her long ago.

"Yes please." Beverly followed her across the room. She removed the cover of a biochamber and Beverly gasped. "You did that from the tissue samples I sent you?"

"Yes." Seven's voice held no pride, but Beverly couldn't stop the proud tears that came to her eyes. "You find away to implant them and I don't see any reason they won't work."

"I don't know what to say." Beverly breathed, looking at the two breathing lungs in front of her.

"Now about Picard." Seven's blunt segway pulled the Dr's attention from the organs in front of her and back to the woman.

"Seven I'm afraid his opinions have not changed." She told the woman firmly, casting her eyes from her to the floor.

"That is.. unfortunate." She carefully measured her words. "It would be in his best interests for you to intercede."

"I can't ask him to do something he feels is unethical." Beverly shook his head.

"Borg technology has been in use by Starfleet for over a decade. Elizabeth Riker is as much Borg as I am." Her voice rose slightly and Beverly watched her usually impassive eyes spark with rejection.

"Seven." Beverly's voice lilted and she gently touched the woman's arm as the steely look returned. "His experiences were difficult."

"I am aware." She said evenly. "I experienced them as well." Beverly nodded at her, letting her hand drop away. "Many of us who have been recovered from the collective have managed to intergrate our experiences." Her eyes softened as she rethought her statement. "To make peace with them."

Seven of Nine walked a few paces away before putting her hands against her workstation.

"Few of us.. none of us.. would choose a slow degenerative death over a simple implant. It is illogical and inefficient. And somewhat unkind."

"I'll be sure to tell him you said so." Beverly whispered, once again laying her hand on the woman's arm. Seven nodded firmly.

"May I help you prepare a medical plan for transplant?"

"Please." Dr. Picard whispered looking back towards the newly created lungs.

…...

"Geordi."

"Tom. B'Ellanna." LaForge stood, greeting his wife's coworkers. "I'd heard a rumor you two were in town."

"We just had to come." Tom Paris told him kindly. "Leah was so instrumental in helping us return to reality when we made it back to the Alpha quadrant."

The engineer nodded before looking at B'Elanna.

"Where is Miral? I know that El would love to see her?"

"She already has. They ran off a few minutes ago." The woman smiled. "We won't keep you. We just wanted to say hello.. and how sorry we are."

"Thank you." Geordi hugged her before patting Tom on the arm and wandering away.

"He looks lost." B'Elanna leaned towards her husband, he slid his arm around her shoulder and rubbed.

"I can imagine.."

"Well stop imagining Fly Boy. You are stuck with me for a very long time." She hummed. He smiled, kissing her quickly.

"I better be."

"Mr. and Mrs. Paris!" The booming voice shook both of them. They quickly turned their eyes to Captain William Riker.

"Sir." Tom smiled dutifully as B'Elanna looked bashfully at her feet.

"Don't worry Lieutenant. I've been known to kiss my wife on the Bridge. I'd say a wake is much more appropriate place."

"Yes Sir." She grinned.

"Where is your lovely wife, Sir?" Tom asked casually, giving his own spouse time to recover.

"Oh, somewhere." He looked over his shoulder. "She tends to try and stay away from me at these type of things. Lots of boring people that I have to talk to."

"Yes Sir." Torres finally looked up. "I know that Chakotay often feels the same way when accompanying the Admiral."

"I'm sure he does. When are those two going to make it official anyhow?"

"Your guess is as good as mine Sir." Paris shrugged.

"Don't you hate those couples that draw out their relationships for years?" Will Riker's eyes twinkled playfully and Tom pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. "Will they? Won't they? It's pathetic really."

"Yes Sir." Tom answered with gusto, beside him his wife just smirked.

"I cornered you two here to do something incredibly inappropriate for a funeral, but since it was practically an order from my Chief Engineer that I do this while we have the chance. I'm here to invite you to a party."

"A party?"

"For Picard. A belated retirement party." Riker smiled. "Send the old man off with a bang."

"Well. We wouldn't want to miss that." Tom smiled, turning his eyes to his wife who smiled back at him.

"I'll send over the specifics." Will smiled before someone's waving hand caught his attention. "Duty calls." He muttered, pulling on his tunic and making his way over to the newest mourner.

"I don't know if I've ever been invited to a party at a funeral before." B'Elanna chuckled.

"I know they talk about the Voyager people as being odd, but honestly it's the Enterprise crew that are a few shards short of a detithum crystal if you ask me." Tom whispered with a raised eyebrow, his wife swatted at his arm.

…...

"I'm just saying that she mentioned it." Beverly sighed, crossing her arm protectively over her chest.

"And I'm just saying.. emphatically, and for the last time. No." Her husband huffed, gathering his daughter's toys from the couch and dropping them in a basket. "It's not even a cure."

"It's a treatment. It could slow the progression of the disease by nearly half. It's ten, maybe twenty more years."

"I wouldn't be able to work." He sneered, carrying the basket back to the spot where it belonged.

"You'd be able to teach. To write. To- I don't know- be a father to your children!"

"I'm sorry I thought I was doing that now! Without reactivating the barbaric technology that my _captors_ installed in my cerebellum." He shouted at her.

"Oh for Christ Sake Jean Luc it's been almost fifteen years! Get over it!" She snapped before the reality of what she'd said hit her and her eyes clenched shut. "I shouldn't have said that."

He chuckled a little at the flippancy of that statement before sinking onto the couch.

"I didn't know you felt that way." He told her evenly.

"I don't-." She pressed her lips together. "This is a chance at a real prolonged remission." She shook her head. "A remission that may last until Sienna gets married. Until Jack graduates from the academy. Until Wesley gives us grandchildren to spoil. And you're turning it down without so much as a thought."

"I have thou-."

"Have you thought about me? About the children? Or have you just thought about defying the Borg? An enemy whom you've already defeated time and time again. That Starfleet has defeated.. infiltrated, collaborated, and began fostering a revolution within." She sniffed back her tears, holding herself against the wall to keep from going to him. "The war is currently and literally only in your head."

He heard the doors to their quarters swish open and by the time he looked up she was gone.

…...

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. Deanna, I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it." Beverly Picard swallowed hard before turning back to her friends.

She watched Will attempt to push her emotions to the back of his mind. He seemed to be doing a better job then his wife currently was. She noticed his hand touch Deanna's shoulder and knew they were discussing it. Deanna looked back at him with a nod, and Beverly imagined she could actually feel the woman's empathic fingers withdraw from her mind. Will relaxed a little but his wife's concerned expression remained.

"You didn't bring us all the way to Starfleet medical to tell me I need a new CMO did you?" Will asked warily, looking around.

"No." She smirked."I want to talk about Lizzie."

"What about?" Will's voice was mildly alarmed, but Beverly smiled warmly.

"I talked to Seven a few days ago. And she's made some headway with Luc's cord blood. Stem cells." Beverly watched them carefully.

"Headway?" Deanna's voice was nearly silent.

"Lungs." Beverly decided, pasting on her doctor's face and meeting their gaze. "She's made some lungs."

"Lungs?" Deanna breathed.

"I thought you said she couldn't have repli-."

"They're not replicated. They're regenerated. Created."

"Cloned?" Will shook his head, all of the cloning restrictions flying through his Starfleet brain.

"Grown." Beverly shook her head.

"How's that possible?" Deanna finally asked.

"It's ancient technology really. We abandoned it long ago when artificial organ donation became so much more efficient." She smiled at them. "We would have attempted it years ago but the variation in cloned tissue, even from her DNA was too much for Lizzie's immune system. But when Luc was born. I used a long disregarded technique of extracting and storing cord blood. He's a perfect tissue match. We infused tissue cells from Lizzie's malformed lungs."

"Why didn't you tell us this?" Will's face was washed with a blank wonder. Beverly nodded.

"It was a long shot. I didn't know how Lizzie's original cells would survive transplant. They're ten years old and she's so medically unpredictable. I wanted to get the information and the samples to someone who could effectively execute the plan."

"Seven of Nine." Riker nodded in understanding. "And she did?"

Beverly moved over to the small station behind her and tapped the console. Deanna's hand flew to her mouth.

"How?" Will swallowed hard. "The surgery.."

"We'll use telepathic anesthesia." She met Will's eyes and held them. "We'll need a seasoned telepath, preferably a relative. Know anyone who might be willing?"

"She'll be here for the party." Deanna smiled, tears slipping over her eyelids.

"They'll be risks. Surgery is a very serious thing for Lizzie." Beverly reminded. "But Seven's sure we can do it."

"She'll be able to breathe." Deanna looked at Will, he absently reached out wrapped his arm around her slight form. "With lungs." Her eyes dropped back into the chamber and she watched the lungs expand and contract. "Actual lungs."

"When can we do it?" Will whispered softly.

…...


End file.
